Saturday, July 04, 2009
Well, it all started when...
...
Yesterday a transient squirrel hailing from parts unknown upset the cool calm tranquility of our mid-morning spa and siesta time by entering the Secret Attack Squirrel Global Headquarters tree-house uninvited and asking, "Has anybody seen any Representatives wandering around here? I seem to have lost every last one of mine."
My supernaturally super-sensitive nose for news was instantly aroused: "May I quote you?" I asked, whipping out my Professional REPORTER'S Notebook and flipping it open to a fresh new page, then quickly grinding a fine point onto my TICONDEROGA #2 pencil there at the pencil sharpener mounted on the wall by the front door. He said yes and I went on, "'Representatives', Is that with a little r or a capital R?" and when he said, "Capital R," I sensed a really hot scoop coming on. "Go on," I said, "Tell us in your own words wha-hoppen to'em."
Now, in his own words, this is wha-hoppen to'em: "I dunno wha-hoppen to'em," he said, "they just vanished."
"Just vanished!" cried Reo Speedsquirrel, and Three-toes Tony nodded, opining, "There's been a lot of that going around."
"Indeed," said Secret Attack Squirrel, adding, "In fact, it's worse than that: True Representatives have been extinct for some time now. Oh yeah, there's hundreds and hundreds of critters who call themselves Representatives, but they're not of the True Stock, oh no---these modern-day critters are the result of wicked husbandry began by TRaP many years ago, and now these so-called Representatives are a mere shadow of what the True Stock used to be."
Wide-eyed, our uninvited visitor asked, "'Trap?' Who's 'Trap'?"
"Not who, what: TRaP is an acronym for 'The Rich and Powerful'. I made it up myself. Go on."
"Well truth be told," he went on, "I didn't even miss'em till getting access to the internet."
Sas sadly shook his head, saying, "Well truth be told, you're not old enough to have ever had a true Rep' of the old True Stock. You thought you did, but that's a common misconception...widly-held in fact and in fact, that's why we're all here. Our mission, as stated in our Offical Secret Attack Squirrel Mission Statement, is to tell the Average American Meathead the facts of politics by way of phalse phables and mount a ground-swell campaign for voting every incumbent office-holder out of office."
"Jeepers. Then my search is in vain?"
We all nodded and wept together until, many minutes later, the tears clearing from our once-jaded eyes, we perceived that our mysterious visitor had gone away as quietly as he had come.
Nob-head Ned wondered aloud, "I wonder if we'll ever see him again," and Sas observed, "I'm afraid he'll never be the same again after today, so I'd say 'no'. Anybody else want a fresh Manhattan Tea while I'm up?"
Every paw in the tree went up, so I followed Sas to help him mix, carry and serve the drinks.
;-/
Yesterday a transient squirrel hailing from parts unknown upset the cool calm tranquility of our mid-morning spa and siesta time by entering the Secret Attack Squirrel Global Headquarters tree-house uninvited and asking, "Has anybody seen any Representatives wandering around here? I seem to have lost every last one of mine."
My supernaturally super-sensitive nose for news was instantly aroused: "May I quote you?" I asked, whipping out my Professional REPORTER'S Notebook and flipping it open to a fresh new page, then quickly grinding a fine point onto my TICONDEROGA #2 pencil there at the pencil sharpener mounted on the wall by the front door. He said yes and I went on, "'Representatives', Is that with a little r or a capital R?" and when he said, "Capital R," I sensed a really hot scoop coming on. "Go on," I said, "Tell us in your own words wha-hoppen to'em."
Now, in his own words, this is wha-hoppen to'em: "I dunno wha-hoppen to'em," he said, "they just vanished."
"Just vanished!" cried Reo Speedsquirrel, and Three-toes Tony nodded, opining, "There's been a lot of that going around."
"Indeed," said Secret Attack Squirrel, adding, "In fact, it's worse than that: True Representatives have been extinct for some time now. Oh yeah, there's hundreds and hundreds of critters who call themselves Representatives, but they're not of the True Stock, oh no---these modern-day critters are the result of wicked husbandry began by TRaP many years ago, and now these so-called Representatives are a mere shadow of what the True Stock used to be."
Wide-eyed, our uninvited visitor asked, "'Trap?' Who's 'Trap'?"
"Not who, what: TRaP is an acronym for 'The Rich and Powerful'. I made it up myself. Go on."
"Well truth be told," he went on, "I didn't even miss'em till getting access to the internet."
Sas sadly shook his head, saying, "Well truth be told, you're not old enough to have ever had a true Rep' of the old True Stock. You thought you did, but that's a common misconception...widly-held in fact and in fact, that's why we're all here. Our mission, as stated in our Offical Secret Attack Squirrel Mission Statement, is to tell the Average American Meathead the facts of politics by way of phalse phables and mount a ground-swell campaign for voting every incumbent office-holder out of office."
"Jeepers. Then my search is in vain?"
We all nodded and wept together until, many minutes later, the tears clearing from our once-jaded eyes, we perceived that our mysterious visitor had gone away as quietly as he had come.
Nob-head Ned wondered aloud, "I wonder if we'll ever see him again," and Sas observed, "I'm afraid he'll never be the same again after today, so I'd say 'no'. Anybody else want a fresh Manhattan Tea while I'm up?"
Every paw in the tree went up, so I followed Sas to help him mix, carry and serve the drinks.
;-/
# posted by call me crazy @ 1:10 AM 
