I thunk-it

Same-o same-o,

2009-07-26T00:36:00.000-07:00

nuttin' ever changes.

Ain't been logged in for awhile 'cause I finally caught on that while occasional and scattered tidbits of what at first looked like Reality and Truth finally rising from the muck of the right-wing's incessant right-wing spin machine and into the light of day, they were each and every one systematically, summarily and systemically squelched with a sharp stick-push back down into the muck...and silenced forever more.

Before I "caught on" I was feeling some tiny semblance of hopefulness, so I returned to the Secret Attack Squirrel Global H.Q. to add my two cents worth (for posterity's sake) but alas, 't-was a waste of time.

The Right has won: they have bankrupted the US to such a point that, "...we can no longer afford the social programs that mostly help the poor and elderly."

Some clever talking head once said: "As California goes, so goes the Country," and we're there, folks: California's attempting to balance their budge not by raising [cut] taxes to pre-cut rates, but by cutting budgets left and right---almost all of it from the left. When they find out (and they will) that this is not enough, they'll have to cut some more...then more...and more. But raise taxes? OH GOD NO, NOT THAT!!!

The rest of the nation is closing in fast & pretty soon, we won't be able to afford to pay unemployment bennies because WE CAN'T RAISE TAXES, OH GOD NO!!! Nor any other social bennies...like public schools.

Why can't our state & federal gov's raise taxes? Because Jane and Joe American Meathead are so gawddamn stupid. "What's the Matter With Kansas?" was the right question, but the degree was too modest---to the tune of 1/50th of where it should've been "asked".

Meanwhile, law-enforcement dept's are becoming increasingly belligerent, aggressive and willfully acting with ever-increasing impunity...not as bad as British coppers yet, but we're getting there fast.

The DoJ is overturning "guilty" verdicts against right-wingers while utterly ignoring politikal prosecutions waged by and via blatantly corrupt officers of the courts [whenever liberals are the sacrificial goats]. No relief there.

The Executive has not only assumed the Dark Lord mantles of injustice finally finished by eight years of Bush/Cheney, but now this new one is busy adding new layers and double-stitching to make them even thicker and stronger. Obama got his fingers into the honey-pot of unConstitutional Executive Powers and decided he likes the sweet taste of it, and he wants more-more-more.

Some DINOs have learned that they can call themselves "Democrats" with a straight face simply by adding "Blue-dog" in front of it and Jane & Joe American Meathead are so gawddamn stupid that...well, they must be buying all their bottled water from Kansas. And "Blue-dogs" are not the only DINOs in DC---all most all of the so-called Democrats are DINOs, but they're already so gawddamn corrupt that lying with a straight face comes as easy for them as breathing the super-filtered & extra-conditioned air in their congressional suites...and how suite it is: I was in a congressional suite once---a close relative was on Alan Simpson(R-Wy)'s staff and he gave us a tour...damn suite! This relative left when Simpson left, now Unkle Dave is a big-shot little cog in the Military Industrial Complex (Raytheon) and making a killing...along with his father-in-law, who was an AF General before revolving straight from active service into Raytheon...Unk Dave was a one-tour Army officer: paid his (tax-paid education) dues & then bailed out to revolve straight into Simpson's suite. How suite was that?

And that's the way it is.

There won't be any health-care fix 'cause Obama's playing Jane & Joe American Meathead (just like the DINOs are) with a veiw on his second term. He'll say, "I couldn't do'er 'cause congress couldn't do their part," and the DINO's will say, "We couldn't do'er 'cause the WH was asking for too much," so Jane & Joe American Meathead will vote again for their own precious incumbents, which brings us to the bottom line:

The only way to fix this is for a majority of us to vote against every gawddamn incumbent in every gawddamn election until our rep's start representing us, We the People. But that's not gonna happen 'cause you only get to say this from on high one and the sharp sticks come out to push you down into silent obscurity, and hold you there. Jane & Joe Meathead need to be beaten over the head with this plan repeatedly, over & over again, but we can't do it from under the muck. I had my one shot via democracyunderground.com and they kicked me out, no reason given.

Black Jack Brisko, signing off.

.

2009-07-12T03:28:00.000-07:00

In a state of unmitigated early-morning boredom, we earlier set upon a mind-numbing journey back to this blog's very beginning and reread [most of] the entries. We find that at times we were wrong about some things (2 things, actually), that our thought-processes were sometimes so convoluted that our blog-entries bordered on incomprehensible (to put it kindly) and---and this is the worst---we seem to have lost our edge somewhere that long road of convalescence following Black Jack Brisco's crushed heel.

Item 1: The 2 things we were wrong about: a) Bushco did not attack Iran as an October Surprised in '06 (we thought they would); b) the Repugs did not retain their one-party rule (we thought they would).

Item 1-a: Thank God
Item 1-b: the difference between the (R) double-majority in Congress vs the (D) double-majority is proving to be insignificant.

Item 2: Our thought-processes were (and still are) convoluted because we live in a very complex world where many, many things turn out to be not what they at first appeared to be.

Item 3: We lost our edge because we lost all hope.

Jane & Joe American Meathead are still meatheaded meatheads and no wiser now than when we first started this insane blog...they (read "you") are beyond redemption because their (i.e. your) ability to think has been amputated by our collective loss of the Fairness Doctrine and and the unConstitutional legalization(sic) of news-media monopolies...all thanks to Ronny-baby Raygun and all of you meatheads who were all stupid enough to believe that "trickle-down" bullshit and rotten enough to buy into the "Me First/Greed is Good" Reagonomics mantra. Fuck you all. And you can all fuck me too 'cause I'm already screwed---we all are.

The only peaceful way for US to get ourselves unscrewed is for a majority of us to vote against every incumbent politician untill all those who are incurragably corrupt are out of office and those pathetically few who can be salvaged get the message: Represent We the People or We will fire your ass in the next election.

Unfortunately, every time anybody raises their head above the crowd to call for this peaceful action to get us unscrewed, we get our head handed to us by the dreaded, "Your comment privileges have been revoked." Well Fuck you, DU and for those of you who don't know who DU is it's:

democraticunderground.com

"Democratic" my ass. "Democratic" includes Free Speech but not at DU oh no! Not when the "Free Speech" means voicing an idea that could actually get US unscrewed if enough people heard it, heeded it and then acted peacefully by voting against every incumbent, no exceptions, until We the People get our government back.

No hope. The Silencers: They're everywhere they're everywhere!

Holy Moly and...

2009-07-12T00:17:00.000-07:00

...jumpin' jihosiphats!

A Super Secret Secret Attack Squirrel Super Secret Operative inside the DoJ has leaked a rumor that DoJ AG E. Holder is considering appointing a special prosecutor into investigating the Bushco torture programs...How sweet it...oh, wait a minute, woops, hold the phone:

Only a few select people suspected of maybe, just maybe going beyond the pale of the Bushco torture programs illegally contrived by Bushco and then falsely defined as legal by faux gov' lawyers cherry-picked by Bushco---only those select few need lose any sleep over this. All the others need not worry because clearly, they were "acting in good faith" when they contrived, authorized, justified and committed Illegal Acts of Torture under Bushco.

Wow, there for a minute we here at Secret Attack Squirrel's Global Headquarters were dizzy with elation. But then Black Jack Brisco, upon hearing our rabid celebration and coming up the tree to investigate, poured cold water all over all of us by voicing Paragraph II (above)...Three-Toes Tony was so dismayed by this unwelcome revelation that he bit off one of his own (few remaining) toes...poor chap!

I quoteth Black Jack: "In sales, this is called 'bait & switch': 'bait' the sucker with a fine product & then 'switch' if for something far inferior in the last instant at the point of sale. It's illegal as hell, But what can-yuh do?"

Ratz.

Another voice silenced...

2009-07-11T05:54:00.000-07:00

...
democraticunderground.com has revoked Black Jack Brisco's comments privileges, no reason given.

Since all of our 3 or 4 comments since signing up have all been the same and limited to "vote against every incumbent" etc. etc. we must presume, assume and further infer that DU is part of TRaP's conspiracy to keep the status quo of absolute political corruption in place and that DU's seemingly progressive directionality is a mere facade, that their true manifesto is to draw out, identify and then silence any and all ideas that can actually change anything.

And we here at SAS G-HQ did not provide DU with any mention of nor a link to methinkstoomuch.blogspot.com, ergo they can not claim that our over-the-top rantings here are the cause of DU's revocation of Freedom of Speech on their website.

One of the dark, silencing forces working against ending corruption in the Federal gov' is now exposed.

DU: Bastards and Dirty Rotten Fuckers

The Voices Have Been Silenced...

2009-07-11T05:17:00.000-07:00

...
Should-a known it was too good to be true. We suspected it was, and we were right.

To wit: What voices? Well not the ones in my head to be sure; but rather those that said, "Vote all incumbents out of office."

The question begs: How were they silenced?

What dark forces were brought to bear and who deployed them? The hammer-blow was swift and terminal: each of three voices was silenced instantly and, apparently, silenced forever, at least on this fine point of flushing corruption out of the Beltway by flushing out all the politicians, no exceptions.

Unless there is a tide-flood of biblical proportions of We the People banning together and voting against every incumbent, our individual votes will not count and We can make no difference. The corruption has got to go and the only (peaceful) way is via a wholesale wipe-out of the Congress. And it is the best way: no blood will be shed, no heads will be broken, nobody will be unlawfully detained by Boo!bama's continuance of Bushco's neocon/draconian autocracy wherein he (i.e. head-spook Boo!) can (and will) "detain" anybody he chooses, forever and ever.

Bear in mind that B.O. has yet to correct the DHS mission statement that "...peaceful protests should be considered low-level terrorism," and with that in mind, anyone protesting against the status quo can, under Spook Law, be deemed a terrorist threat and thus rendered into perpetual detainment incognito.

What more can I say?

CNN poll...

2009-07-09T02:50:00.000-07:00

...
According to CNN, 17% of Democrats polled said they would be "Very-likely" or "Likely" to vote for Palin if she runs for pres' in 2012. Who are these people and where do they live? Black Jack Brisco wants to know so he can spray his territorial scent/mark on their toothbrushes ...assuming they even use'em, which is the burning question of the moment here at Secret Attack Squirrel's Global Headquarters.

Official SAS Logistics Solicitation: We need addresses of the above plus bus tickets (on any bus line that will transport a one-eyed cat with a dead and broken (in 3 places) tail) in order to move this project forward.

Jumping a shark while screwing the pooch.

2009-07-07T04:24:00.000-07:00

:
By golly that spook Boo!bama is one really spooky piece of work. Used to be only one example each week of his rotten character leaking through his faux mantle of, "Hey, I'm a Democreep!" Then it was an example a day. Now it's 2 & 3 pus-leaks a day. VOTE ALL INCUMBENTS OUT OF OFFICE, NO EXCEPTIONS!

A Peep, then Silence...

2009-07-05T06:59:00.000-07:00

;
Black Jack Brisco here, signing in:

About a week ago, I heard a little tremor that piqued my interest: One small voice suggesting that We the People should vote every single incumbent out of office. Was I on-board? Hell, I jumped this train 20 years ago! Then, over the first few intervening days since then, I heard other voices...hope springs eternal! but alas, these last few intervening days have been utterly mute---no more cries for voting every single incumbent out of office.

That first little vibration spoke to me: "I am your savior," it said, "I am the harbinger of Sympathetic Harmonics. Breathe on me and I will soon render asunder The Beast of TRaP's control over the US Gov. The slightest steady breeze will compound my strength to render asunder. My power will grow exponentially! I will bring down this exclusive bridge which connects TRaP directly to your (so-called) Representatives (to the Exclusion of all others)---both in Congress and the Executive. I am the Grim Reaper, and I am come for you, Oligarchy. I come upon a whisper...whisper this, Nation: 'We the People Shall Vote Every Incumbent Out of Office.'

"Nation! It is your only hope."

Thus spoke to me the harbinger of Sympathetic Harmonics, and then the vibration was suddenly silenced. Where are't thou Stewart and Colbert? Ed, K.O. and Ratch'? Has greed gotten to all of them, too? Seems so, maybe.

Well, it all started when...

2009-07-04T01:10:00.000-07:00

...
Yesterday a transient squirrel hailing from parts unknown upset the cool calm tranquility of our mid-morning spa and siesta time by entering the Secret Attack Squirrel Global Headquarters tree-house uninvited and asking, "Has anybody seen any Representatives wandering around here? I seem to have lost every last one of mine."

My supernaturally super-sensitive nose for news was instantly aroused: "May I quote you?" I asked, whipping out my Professional REPORTER'S Notebook and flipping it open to a fresh new page, then quickly grinding a fine point onto my TICONDEROGA #2 pencil there at the pencil sharpener mounted on the wall by the front door. He said yes and I went on, "'Representatives', Is that with a little r or a capital R?" and when he said, "Capital R," I sensed a really hot scoop coming on. "Go on," I said, "Tell us in your own words wha-hoppen to'em."

Now, in his own words, this is wha-hoppen to'em: "I dunno wha-hoppen to'em," he said, "they just vanished."

"Just vanished!" cried Reo Speedsquirrel, and Three-toes Tony nodded, opining, "There's been a lot of that going around."

"Indeed," said Secret Attack Squirrel, adding, "In fact, it's worse than that: True Representatives have been extinct for some time now. Oh yeah, there's hundreds and hundreds of critters who call themselves Representatives, but they're not of the True Stock, oh no---these modern-day critters are the result of wicked husbandry began by TRaP many years ago, and now these so-called Representatives are a mere shadow of what the True Stock used to be."

Wide-eyed, our uninvited visitor asked, "'Trap?' Who's 'Trap'?"

"Not who, what: TRaP is an acronym for 'The Rich and Powerful'. I made it up myself. Go on."

"Well truth be told," he went on, "I didn't even miss'em till getting access to the internet."

Sas sadly shook his head, saying, "Well truth be told, you're not old enough to have ever had a true Rep' of the old True Stock. You thought you did, but that's a common misconception...widly-held in fact and in fact, that's why we're all here. Our mission, as stated in our Offical Secret Attack Squirrel Mission Statement, is to tell the Average American Meathead the facts of politics by way of phalse phables and mount a ground-swell campaign for voting every incumbent office-holder out of office."

"Jeepers. Then my search is in vain?"

We all nodded and wept together until, many minutes later, the tears clearing from our once-jaded eyes, we perceived that our mysterious visitor had gone away as quietly as he had come.

Nob-head Ned wondered aloud, "I wonder if we'll ever see him again," and Sas observed, "I'm afraid he'll never be the same again after today, so I'd say 'no'. Anybody else want a fresh Manhattan Tea while I'm up?"

Every paw in the tree went up, so I followed Sas to help him mix, carry and serve the drinks.

;-/

2009-07-02T23:41:00.000-07:00

A week wasted, all that time wasted in an (almost*) unfruitful search of good news. (*A disclaimer of fact: good news can be found, but none of it matters a whit beyond one or a few people directly connected to it.)

Our heart really was in it, really in that silly search for finding good news; but it took a conscious effort of (forcibly) blindly passing over all the bad news just to keep our spirits up, and the sap finally ran out of that pathetic little branch.

Hardly a day goes by that we do not find yet another example of this new (so-called) US president's incessant drive to continue, even increase the neoconian driving momentum that Ronny-baby Reygun started and w.Bush amplified exponentially toward making this country an absolute oligarchy. Not a tyranny, nor a dictatorship---We the People would not stand for that!---but an oligarchy.

Though the seeds were planted in the '80's (when Raygun killed the Fairness Doctrine) Oligarchy actually took power in 2000 and now it's got us by the balls and with a knife across our collective throat to boot!

The SCOTUS is solidly controlled by pro-business/anti-people neocons and this new (so-called) president is hell-bent for adding to the neocon imbalance while the corporate-controlled MSM are hell-bent for greasing the skids toward that end.

The (so-called) democrats in congress can, do and will continue to consistently vote against the best interests of We the People and in favor of the Rich and Powerful. With rare exception, virtually all congressional dem's are on board for this, but they're sneaky about it: they take turns voting against OUR best interests, just often enough to make sure that nothing in our best interests (i.e. when it bothers The Rich and Powerful...aka TRaP). This way, their treachery is spread out over all of them, ergo it's not so obvious...almost completely invisible.

The only way to fix this is to vote every incumbent out of office at every election. See it this way: Term-Limits imposed by We the People! It's the only way.

Ain't gonna happen though because the average American is a meathead.

So Dizzy...

2009-06-28T00:49:00.000-07:00

:-?
One day, invisible WH insider say, "Big Chief Boo! drafting executive order for 'forever detention of people' whom him no like."

Next day, Boo! mouthpiece say, "Oh no we'z not neither."

Same day, Boo! adds signing statement (to a duly-passed bill) that sez, "Me no like these parts of new bill so me no obey these new laws. Me Big Chief Presdent, me more powerful than silly Congress."

Power corrupts, and Boo!bama is instantly as corrupt as corrupt gets.

On the "Low-level terrorism" front, we here at SAS G-HQ are wondering if the DoD considers an operation like this one a "peaceful protest" and if so, then we are in danger of having our Constitutional Rights stripped away, then to be rendered into perpetual detention, incognito, forever & ever. After no little deepthought on the matter, we conclude that any remaining semblance of sanity we may now posses would, we hope, leave us almost instantly.

Yes, it's true. Having made a real "best-effort" to really imagine what it would really be like to be locked up all alone in a cell with no way out, we would (hope to) go stark-raving mad within 2 hours and probably reach a totally vegetative state before bedtime (that would be our last but best hope).

We used to imagine ourselves tougher than that---we saw ourselves with a steely mental will that would somehow get us through unscathed, even unchanged. Well it ain't there. The only way we could survive physically would be to die mentally. The horror of retaining complete sanity and full cognizance while in an unjust, unConstitutional confinement forever should be unbearable but, Would it? That's the really frightening aspect. I would hope and pray for utter insanity, and please bring it on quickly.

Boo! knows no God, only the devil.

Follow-up time...

2009-06-27T01:13:00.000-07:00

x
Scary, how quiet it's been around here at Secret Attack Squirrels' Global Head Quarters ever since we hauled Sas back from the fish pond---still stunned senseless from colliding with the side of that house next door. At first we were a huddled, silent mass of concern for the odds for his survival...betting was running 20 to 1 against when he suddenly shocked us all by suddenly regaining consciousness and asking for a tall bourbon..."neat, please"; then it was our concern over his sudden, generally-deemed unhealthy interest in revisiting the Potato Canon Rapid Deployment Squirrel Launcher (PC RDSL) question. Someone suggested that he take a little break by taking a little glide around the tree trunk and "unwind" a little. Well it turns out, Sas's flattened face had an unanticipated effect on his aerodynamics and instead of sweeping in a gentle arch around to the left he flew headlong right into Mr. Brown's Freightliner conventional semi-trailer tractor/trailer long-haul combination rig. However, there's been an upside:

Owing to his much lower velocity (compared to hitting Mrs. White's house just a few feet from leaving the PC RDSL tube) Sas was able to partially complete an evasive maneuver to the right just before striking the sleeper on Mr. Brown's truck, passenger side, and this glancing blow seemed to have straightened out his face...somewhat. And then, running to his rescue, Black Jack Brisco performed a small miracle by rapidly twirling Sas around by the tail at a blurring RPM---the resultant centrifugal forces causing his face to return to normal (almost). Black Jack has been awarded the prestigious "SAS Quick-Thinking While Under Extreme Duress" award for his quick thinking while under extreme duress: BJ never would've got 'er done had he waited till Sas came to again.

Meanwhile, all the MSM hoopla over Whacko Jacko's sudden demise is rapidly subsiding and, we can only hope, continue to subside...at least until it's restoked when Congress (presumably) will pass a Bill honoring that sick whacko and then, not to be outdone, Boobama will posthumously place a Presidential Medal of Honor on the casket just before it's paraded through the Cad-infested streets of L.A. on the roof of a stretched Hummer...probably a white one.

Finally, THIS JUST IN:

Secret Attack Squirrel has just convened and emergency SAS SSS (Super-Secret Session) and they are now in session, the question on the floor being, "What can we do about Boobama asserting his unconstitutional 'right' to indefinitely detain anyone he chooses, forever & ever if he so chooses, without any of the legal rights to legal recourse guaranteed by the Constitution of the USA. [Editor's note: we are not optimistic than anything can be done and in any case, we're downright certain that nothing will be done, since we are no longer a Nation of Laws.]

Crying at 11:00

Two Updates...

2009-06-26T08:48:00.000-07:00

One: It seems there may have been one very positive upside to SAS's head-on with Mrs. White's house: the spackling we noticed surrounding his impact zone was first thought to be "gun-shot residue" but it now seems quite plausible that every one of those little black dots may actually be splattered flea-guts! SAS richocheted, they didn't! Yippee! SAS has not scratched once since the test-launch that went so wrong.

Two: It seems we are not alone in criticizing MSM for their non-stop gushing over Whacko's death when there is so much real news of real import going on in the world: media critics & pundits the world over are pounding MSM by parroting this blogger's blog-attack on MSM's...etc. etc. etc.

Two sub-1: This is a form of corporate mind-control;
Two sub-2: this is merely a distraction so corporations can screw US six new ways to Sunday but the average American meathead won't notice 'cause they're all distracted by etc. etc. etc.

THIS JUST IN: Secret Attack Squirrel is currently busy with slide-rule in paw, presently wandering around and eyeing Mrs. White's house's elevation and cooridnates with one eye while scrutinizing Rocket Reo's discarded(?) potato cannon with the other (eye). The saga of the Rapid Deployment Squirrel Launcher may be...

TO MAYBE BE CONTINUED IN THE NEAR FUTURE

This may not bode well, but: Black Jack Brisco is, even as we blog this, currently burying our one & only propane gas torch. Good for him! :-]

RIP Whacko Jacko

2009-06-26T07:41:00.000-07:00

:-/

Already famous for our infamous lack of political correctness here at SAS G-HQ, we're back again after a brief hiatus, to refuel the burning torch of mental sickness by sickly pointing out the sickness of others: Whacko was a Sicko and media the world over is too, as are a whole lotta human beans. Witness the Beeb's 24-hour love-fest of "Micheal was the greatest gawddam rocker who ever ficking lived!!! He was the ficking best!!! He was fucking King!!! (Hey, Wasn't King the name of one of his critter-pets?) OMG we-gotta canonize Jacko 10x over & we gotta do it Now-Now-Now!!!"

Here's a perv' who we believe fornicated w/apes & kiddies & llamas, probably fruits & vegies too, not to mention the illegal and actionable commission of child endangerment by dangling a baby off a balcony, much to the screaming, adoring delight of screaming, adoring Jacko Sicko fans. "Drop him, Drop him, see if it bounces!" Boy-o-boy Alice Cooper, have I got a lyrics line for you baby.

Meanwhile, our first (and hopefully last) test-firing of the "Potato-Cannon Rapid Deployment Squirrel Launcher" did not go so well. Throwing good sense and all caution to the wind, Secret Attack Squirrel insisted that he be the first live projectile.

Bravely stepping (i.e. squirming & clawing his way) into the very breach of unimaginable danger (aided by some impolite back-end stuffing by Black Jack Brisko) the launch tube was capped, its combustion chamber filled with a copious charge of propane, a match was applied to the fire-hole and...

...just at that moment Little-Willie Billie, who was holding the launch-tube's muzzle in his role of Elevation Control Officer, suffered an irresistible itch that just had to be scratched (we're blaming a flea for this) and he dropped his end of the barrel just as SAS left the launcher at an inconceivable velocity of what has been guesstimated at somewhere north of several-hundred-thousand feet per second. Unfortunately, this fired Sas broad-side & point-blank into the side of a neighbor's house but lucky for him, it was a slightly glancing blow, so he ricocheted harmlessly and splashed-down safely in a nearby fishpond...he was soon revived but, I fear, he will forever have an exceedingly flat face---which is not very becoming to any squirrel, especially a Super-Hero Flying Squirrel! Also, he's been acting rather strange lately, walking it little circles and mumbling something about moving Mrs. White's house twelve giant squirrel-hops to the right, whatever that means.

We'll get back to yuh later.
...

UnTitled

2009-06-20T09:08:00.000-07:00

Secret Attack Squirrel can't seem to erase (Boo!'s) head spook at the CIA, i.e. Lyin Paeonetta, from his radar screen. Secret has tried Ajax, a Brillo pad, even White-out...all to no avail. I've suggested covering the entire screen with tin foil but that material is in short supply here, owing to the fact that all of us here at SAS G-HQ use the stuff for making our crash helmets. Admittedly, our helmets are rather small; but dumpster-diving and the Trash-can Tracking Team have yet to yield even one single full roll, thus we are reduced to resuing used tin foil from baked taters, roasts & etc. Speaking of taters:...

On the new high-tech'-front, Rocket Reo Speedsquirrel is currently developing a new Rapid Deployment Launch system for reaching flying-squirrel cruising altitudes in a matter of milli-seconds. Rocket pilfered the spec's for something called a "potato cannon" and he claims it can be easily adapted for launching flying squirrels. The first operational test is only awaiting the location and aquisition of a propane torch and a Bic lighter. Discarded Bic's are easy to find but they rarely light, so they generally must be stolen from [nearby] humans at great personal risk to our opperatives' personal safety; propane torches are problematic 'cause they're so damn hard to carry while climbing a tree. This reporter will report as soon as there are further developments on this front.

Bill Maher gets it.

2009-06-20T04:35:00.000-07:00

While we are 100% certain that Bill has never read this blog (nobody does 'cause nobody knows about it 'cause we don't tell anybody about it) we here on Secret Attack Squirrel's 24/7 Red-eye crew are all 100% pleased that he (Bill) is a big-shot who's finally getting up to speed on this fact: the congressional democratic majority is the new republican party and Boobama is not a liberal at all, he just plays one on TV (speeches & whatnot).

And now, not wanting to leave a burning, unasked question unanswered, here is why we don't tell anybody about this blog: we are a Secret organization---we wouldn't be a secret org' if we outed ourselves, Now would we duh? So why even blog? Because we like talking to ourselves, that's why. Plus we have rather thin skin that's easily punctured by criticism and just one pointed negative comment would cause us to explode like an overinflated balloon. BANG! (We self-inflict enough injuries on ourselves all on our own without inviting attacks from outsiders.)

Furthermore, it does no good preaching to the choir on political issues; nor can conservatives ever be reached/affected by "the facts", sound reasoning or by eloquently waxing philosophic, which is half of what we do here, for instance:

We the People, i.e. the US, has gotten too big not to fail. It's called "the economics of scale"...just look at G.M. and for that matter, the now-extinct giant dinosaurs. Here's how it works: if you double the size of anything, it's weight also doubles but the tensile strength of its superstructure's components remain the same, which is why there is a practical limit to how tall tall buildings can be built. Okay, I guess the term "economy of scale" does not apply here, but we liked the sound of it.

A federal government for a nation can be considered the main superstructure component and the "power" needed to make things run is its gross weight...we are long past the point where US "power" needs got so great that the government (politicians) can no longer resist against it, so now they are all bent every bit as crooked as Black Jack Brisco's tail, which is a terrible thing to behold.

There is no remedy, although there is a solution: split the country into two. After conferring with the other SAS 24/7ers we have reached a consensus: the Mississippi River---everything east becomes the East United States vs the West United States.
This is a brilliant concept, sez I.

Rats...

2009-06-19T09:56:00.000-07:00

...and a bummer: No assembly required. Mr. B just opened the box, rolled the mower out, flipped up the handle & tightened it down (no tool required), added 20 oz. of 10w30 motor oil, poured in some gasoline & he was done with it...why, he doesn't even do the mowing! His wife does it. What's the world coming to?

Philm at 11:00.

EXTRA:

2009-06-19T09:05:00.000-07:00

Fearing the worst of possible outcomes, this reporter bailed out of SAS G-HQ el-pronto at the first signs of consciousness returning to Black Jack Brisko after the match between the toes prank followed by a regrettable re-ignition of cat fur when attempting to soak a still-smoldering paw in rubbing alcohol. Pushing caution to the limits, we stayed away for 48 hours, just to be on the safe side.

But turns out Black Jack was quite philosophic about the whole affair because it was his playing the same prank on Three-toes Tony two years ago that lead to the defining condition which precipitated Tony's nickname. Rumor has it that Black Jack merely opined, "Well, what goes around comes around. Tony was just gettin' even, that's all." (All's well that ends well.)

Sadly, the same can not be said for D.C. Beltway politics: Boobama continues his kabuki dance routine while blue-dog dem's hold the curtain for him to make his repeated and uncalled-for curtain calls. So far, there has been nothing to write home about in terms of a safe return for this country back to a nation of laws, any semblance of Equal Justice for all and/or single-payer health care, which reminds me:

Whenever a congressperson wails about how awful it would be for the whole US population to have to suffer under a "government run" health care plan we should merely make this statement to his/her face: "Well if it's good enough for you, it's good enough for me. I'll take it." And ask, "If it's so gawd-awful bad, Why are you still using it instead of buying your own [for-profit insurance company] coverage with your own gawddamn money?" There all sacks of shit, every one.

Oh boy, I see Mr. Browne is assembling a new lawn-mower...I gotta see this.

An Error of Omission Too Late:

2009-06-17T03:54:00.000-07:00

[doh]

re. our recent "WANTED" notice for new members.

We here at SAS G-HQ just assumed that it would be presumed that it was simply understood that only squirrels need apply...so far so good. We further assumed that our readers would presume that while most of us are flying squirrels, others of the non-flying variety would be considered...still good, so far. Where we fell short was failing to note that non-flying squirrels must, at the very least, be able to jump small children in a single bound.

Well, during testing, one candidate utterly failed to clear the neighbor's 3-year old toddler (in a single bound) and ergo face-planted at high velocity into our test-hurdle's snotty little mug. Then it seems the little ankle-biter instantly surmised that our ill-fated testee was after his binky and all hell broke loose...a detailed description of the ensuing skirmish is not fit to print.

The little bugger-eater's giant humanbean father (aka Mr. Greene) then joined the battle forthwith and poor little Larry Leafhopper was last seen sailing over a nearby garage screaming in terror and presumably in deep dismay and he has not been seen since. Sadly, relations with Mr. Greene have been strained ever since.

SAS Directive #357: Stay clear of the Greene house, at all costs, till further notice.

We have attempted to smooth things over with Mr. Greene by leaving gifts on his front porch, but he scorns them all and we have now learned that he is a crack-shot with a B.B. gun, which precipitates the following: WANTED: Surgical tweezers suitable for the removal of B.B. pellets from squirrel's pelt; also, a bottle of iodine would be much appreciated.

Black Jack Brisco offers this recommendation: "You (i.e. the SAS crew) would be well served to leave your nutty little gifts in a conspicuous basket, so that Mr. Greene doesn't step on them unawares and fall on his ass every time he steps outside his front door. Indeed I postulate that he may well suspect that you're leaving those well-burnished walnuts to serve as crude booby traps. (Note: they are quite effective in that regard.)

Meanwhile, Prez. BooOma has assumed yet another Bushco unContstitutional unAmericanism illegality by insisting that We the People got no right to know who's been a-callin' at the Semi-black Semi-White Bushie Whore House at 1600 Penn' Av, saying: "Yoo folk dohn need-a know whoz I'z-a be talkin' to in diss-here White Crib. I be duh prez now & I dohn gotta answer to yoo no moe. I done got elected, fool! & I got-duh powah now, baby!"

Too bad, soo sad, I voted for this sorry piece of crap.

An APOLOGY times a million is now in order, to all my brothers & sistas who ain't "white" like me (and george w bush) and who don't know me. I laid on that black-rap thing heavy 'cause I am so gawddamn-awful pissed off (more on this later*). It seems to me that a non-"white" prez, of all people, would be the first to take a flame-thrower to that mighty wall of Bushit crap that Bush/Cheney stacked up over the last 8 years but no, Obama's just building it higher & making it thicker and the Constitution of the United States of America is buried somewhere underneath, suffocating as I write this.

*The rap-thing. Good & bad comes in all colors and frankly, "nigguh" rap is a banner for Bad character. Whitie gets rapped for saying "nigguh" but that's not where I''m coming from; I'm coming from that place where Blacks use the term on one of your/their/our own. It's an ugly thing...not that word, but what that word has come to mean; and what using it means. It's ugly, and I wanted to get just as ugly as I could when blogging just now about this "Mr. President", Mr. Barak Obama.

He's not as as bad as w, not by a long shot...yet. But how far's he gonna go? He's keeping all the bad shit w started plus adding more to it almost every day. He plays us along with high words, then sneaks around the corner to confer with fellow conspirators(?) who We the People are not allowed to know...if there's nothing dirty going on back there then, Why hide their faces? Hey Mr. Prez, Why don't you want We the People [who elected you] to know who's got your ear? What's going on back there? One thing's for sure: if it was on the up-&-up you wouldn't be hiding them from U.S.

I'm really sorry about this, but I gonna "publish" it anyway 'cause it needs to be said.

P.S. WTF are we into & how we gonna get out of it?

The Match Game

2009-06-16T05:52:00.000-07:00

[:]

We have learned the hard way that ye old trick of putting a match between the toes of a sleeping friend and then lighting it can be hazardous to your health. Here's the skinny:

Last night's G-HQ beer binge was brought to a screeching disassemble when Three-toes Tony slipped a wooden kitchen match between the toes of a slumbering Black Jack Brisko, lit it & scurried aside to watch some highly anticipated comical results...but Black Jack was not much amused and in fact, he came totally unglued and went totally ballistic on all of us. One would never think that such an old and battered tomcat, one-eyed and gimpy to boot, could move so fast. Nobody escaped without a scratch (there were 12 of us in the hanger) and two are now missing large swatches of fur, plus poor Ollie Longjumper's once-magnificent tail has been reduced to a 2" stump--his flying days are over.

To make matters worse, once we got Black Jack settled down n the First Aid loft we learned (again, the hard way) that immersing a second-degree burn into a shot-glass of rubbing alcohol is ill-advised, especially when the fur surrounding the injured area is still smouldering at a temperature exceeding the combustion point of pure alcohol. Not a pretty sight, and some of us may have suffered permanent hearing loss. But none of us were otherwise injured owing to Secret Attack Squirrel's sagacious expediency of at first securing Black Jack to the E.R. table (with electrical tape and rubber bands) before beginning treatment.

Black Jack Brisco is now resting comfortably, thanks to Wally One-eye's brilliant quickness at knocking him over the head with 40 oz. bottle of Colt .45.

Uh oh, he's coming around now & I'm out-a here!

It's Deep Bow time.

2009-06-15T13:16:00.000-07:00

Yes boys & girls it's true: Secret Attack Squirrel is taking a much-deserved & way-overdue deep bow right now, even as this reporter reports it.

What's the auspicious occasion for this auspicious event? Ha! It's been publicly intimated by a high-ranker in a high place in a low-spot in Maryland in just barely not uncertain terms that the evil x-warlard veeper Dicker Cheaney actually wants US to be attacked just to prove that he's better'n Boo.

Of course, Sas has been saying all along that the worst-of-the-worst neocons are and have long been all in favor of terrierist attacks on US because this foments fear--Fear being a fantastically powerful weapon which only they, the evil neocons, know how to use to utmost efficiency. Indeed, we here at SAS Global HQ recall one truly icky-evil necon once-upon-a-time actually saying (about 9-11) that, "...sometimes fate hands you a truly wonderful gift."

It goes without saying that everyone here on Sas's squad was outraged by that outrageous remark!,,,and doubley so when absolutely nobody with a pulpit called for that dirty rotten bastard to be boiled in camel spit until his eyes popped out of their greasy, wicked little orbits. Why, it was so bad that our mighty-brave Secret Attack Squirrel swooned and lay prostrate beneath the corner-cabinet for many hours and then, after reviving, babbled incoherently for two days running. This reporter and Sas's whole EMT (Emergency Management Team) were at a loss what to do, which reminds us...

We're still a little short of paws here at SAS G-HQ because many of Sas's original crew members have not returned from that fateful fartbomb detonation of over three years past and they are presumed either irretrievably lost, dead, deranged, or possibly devolved back to their natural state of squirrely and not very smart wildness...plus we suspect on fairly solid grounds that at least one may have actually been blasted completely out of Earth's orbit...that was one hell of a fartbomb.

What we're getting at: WANTED: A few brave squirrels to join Secret Attack Squirrel's Secret Team of Secret Squirrels, aka the SAS STSS. All successful candidates will each receive a really spiffy, neat-oh! stick-on shoulder patch (i.e. no painful and unsightly stitches required).

Inquire within your own minuscule braincase.

The name I couldn't recall.

2009-06-14T03:17:00.000-07:00

Ted Stevens of Alaska

Can I ever get caught up?

2009-06-14T01:27:00.000-07:00

So much has happened since April of '06 that I can't even recall all that should be piled up here to be the supporting basis for what is to follow and besides, it would bore unnecessarily. So I'll just attempt a brief sketch.

First, two comments:
1) We were (and still are) relieved beyond words that Bushco started no new wars, nor did W impose martial law in order to keep himself in power beyond the end of his second term;

2) we were guardedly optimistic that Pres. Obama would wield the newly-recovered Democrats' double-edged majority-axe in Congress to restore the US to a nation of law...I say "guardedly" optimistic because we were suspicious of Obama from the git-go.

Turns out our suspicions are not only confirmed (by our new president's persistent misbehavior) but we are deeply chagrined to find that the reality is far worse than our greatest fears had ever conceived, even in our most cynical of moments.

To use the broadest brush available, here goes:

B.O. has fouled himself (and continues to) by spiking his administration, cabinet and "executive appointments" with conservatives, Blue-dogs and out-right, in-your-face Republicans. Sick.

At virtually every turn, B.O. ignores his oath of office by failing to support and defend the Constitution of the United States of America; nor does he enforce its laws...only selectively does he do so.

Most grievously, B.O. has assumed for himself the Bushco mantle of unchecked secrecy and unlawful powers--in particular, he now holds certain individuals above the law, i.e. his blantent determination to block investigations into manifold crimes which were clearly [not arguably] committed by the previous administration; furthermore, to have stated w/o any qualifiers whatsoever than no one from the previous administration will ever be prosecuted by his DoJ for crimes committed while they were in office. THIS IS IN DIRECT CONTRADICTION TO HIS OATH OF OFFICE!

Meanwhile, B.O. wants to close Gitmo while keeping open other "black" prisons in Iraq and Afghanistan where there is no rule of law, no accountability. B.O. continues with "extreme rendition", disappearing people, unwarranted wiretaps and worst of all, he maintains for himself the unconstitutional power to suspend the right of habeas corpus at his will and on his word alone.

Another reeking, un-emptied basket of WH bushit is B.O.'s continuation of the Bushco DoJ policy of selectively targeting anyone who does not toe the conservative line while giving free passes to those who do. Two prominent names come to mind to illustrate this: Don Seigleman, and that congressman from Alaska, What's his name? It'll come to me...and I may have to correct the "Seigleman" name, as my mind is badly muddled this morning.

The list goes on and on and on, but we've put in enough already to provide the gist of why we now believe that the Obama presidency will deliver the final blow which will utterly destroy the our Constitution by coninuing the Bushco legacy of seeding the Supreme and Federal courst and his DoJ with neocons and holding certain people above the law while selectively targeting others.

This president is guitly of war crimes (after the fact) by letting known perp's off and he is currently committing them himself, as outlined above.

There is remedy available, but our Congress is just as corrupt as this president(not) is.

And this is just the beginning (of the end).

Continued...

2009-06-14T00:19:00.000-07:00

As you may remember from our last episode, Secret Attack Squirrel had just returned mysteriously from his mysterious disappearance of over three years past and he was just graciously granting an impromptu interview when the Intruder Alert Alarm sounded and our furry little super-hero shot out of this tree like a rifle bullet. Turns out it was Sas's old nemesis-turned-friend Black Jack Brisko returning from his own self-imposed sojourn into a self-imposed news blackout. He (Black Jack) now has a limp.

I have asked Mr. Brisko if he would like to take the keyboard and tell us in his own words about his long absence. Here we go...take it away, Black Jack Brisko:

Well, after Secret turned in his cape and disbanded his merry band of flying, madcap tree-hoppers, I tried to hold this woody blogfort all by myself but I took a nasty fall on the Saturday before Easter Sunday of ought-six & my left-back heel was badly crushed...ergo my tree-climbing days were over, or so I thought.

I don't know who this character is who I found in Secret Attack Squirrel's Global Headquarters, but he's a cute little duffer and he at first thought I was going to eat him--understandable, since I'm a rather large cat (albeit past my prime and gimpy) and he's rather small, even for a squirrel. Oh, he says this is his blog. Oooo-kay, I'll be brief.

I've broken many bones in my life and beleive me, until you've crushed a heel you know nothing about pain. I was fully disabled for over six months, nearly starved, and during that time I was unable to even look at a tree, let alone climb one. It's taken me this long to even attempt this venerable old dogwood & I wouldn't have chanced it now but for seeing ol' Secret scurrying around up here yesterday, so here I am. I see Secret's not here right now. So what brings him back, anyway?...here, you take the keyboard.

Me again, but I'm signing off to cop a chat with Black Jack.

Secret Attack Squirrel is Bact!

2009-06-13T08:15:00.000-07:00

Where's SAS been? Ain't sayin'.
What's he been doin'? Ain't sayin'.

But we can make this intrepid (if obvious) inference: He's been paying attention.

A brief, informal and off-the-record interview:

Me: So Sas, what brings you back after all this time?

Sas: Bad news. We've elected a republican wearing thinly-applied black-face and fronting a fake (d) behind his name and, in Jimi's words, "...that ain't too cool."

Me: No Sas, I'm pretty sure Obama really is at least half-black; and a Democrat.

Sas: Color's only skin deep and actions speak louder than words. What we have here is a case of bottled Bush-Lite that's been out in the sun to long: in a word, Boo is skunk-beer. And pouring skunky Bush-Lite into Pabst Blue Ribbon bottles doesn't make it taste any better.

Me: "Boo"? You mean Barak Obama?

Sas: Yeah, Boo, as in "spook". What's that?! INTRUDER ALERT ALARM!!! Bail out...

TO BE CONTINUED

Up in the Sky! It's a bird! It's a plane!

2006-04-12T01:49:00.000-07:00

NO, IT'S A TRAIN!

Unless the DoD has figured out a way to make freight trains fly, they're lying to us about this upcoming 700 ton (conventional explosives) bunker-buster bomb in Nevada.

Otherwise, How do they proposed delivering a 700 ton bomb? [700 ton = 7 full railroad cards!]

We're screwed and (R) prez sez, "The Constitution is just a goddamn piece of paper."
!

Only One Thing Matters Now:

2006-04-11T04:57:00.000-07:00

STOP BUSH FROM NUKING IRAN!

There should be no further discussions or voices raised on any issues that do not or can not, in some way, block W's insane march toward starting WWIII.

The prez is unhinged.

Proof: justifying the use of nukes against one country "to prevent THEM from using nukes first" is just plain stupid lunacy! Any anybody who buys into this stupid lunacy is also a supid lunatic.

Immigration, leaks, lies, Iraq, Natioal bankruptcy etc---none matters in the face of nuclear war, which W seems determined to start. I predict he will say, "I spoke to God before I pushed The Button and He told me that that's what he wanted me to do, to nuke Iran."

The president is insane and unfit for any office at any level.

Am I a person of interest yet?

2006-04-10T05:27:00.000-07:00

--or--

How a one-eyed cat with a twice-broked tail may have screwed Bushco out of conducting an illegal nuke test in Nevada:

Last week, the military was warning US (and especially Los Vegas citizens) that they were about to set off 700 tons of high exlosives that would cause a mushroom cloud visible from LV. I pounced on that by yeowling this: "I bet they're really testing a low-yield tactical bunker-buster nuke (in defiance of all treaties) and they want to make US and the World to think they ain't by saying otherwise before the fact."

Could it be that by exposing their diabolicle plan to lie & mislead US, Bushco decided to test elsewhere, like on some island where nobody gonna see it? Or maybe they just called the whole test-thing off & decided instead to "test" these new nukes on live targets...in, say, Iran?
!

It's too laaate baby...

2006-04-08T05:47:00.000-07:00

...nowww it's too late...

It'll take the super-powers of a super-hero to restore our Constitutional Rights, Liberties and Protections, but since there ain't no such thing, we must wonder: Is it too late for US?

We fear it is.

There was a time when one could believe...when one could have faith in the wisdom of our Founding Fathers' "Checks & Balances" in the Fed for maintaining the defense and protection of the Constitution, and likewise to make it impossible for a tyrant to ascend to absolute power over US. But knowing that nothing can be made perfect, they warned US...warned US about the dangers of "one party rule" and yet here we are.

And they even gave US two safeguards against the danger: a free press coupled to the right to vote, thus giving "we the governed" the power to throw down a one party rule should it ever get going & going wrong...and it's gone wrong now.

1) "Free Press" is and always was a myth, and our Founding Fathers knew it: "A 'free press' is only free for those who own the presses." (I wish I could credit this statement to its author, but I can't recall who he was.) In their wisdom, the Founding Fathers created Constitutional protections against any One Party controlling all the presses (and now over 200 years later, radio & TV & the internet) but those protections have been redacted from the Constitution via the powers of One Party Rule.

2) The Right to Vote is meaningless when One Party controls access to the polls AND the process of counting those votes. We are there now. Beginning with the 2000 elections, the One Party has been systematically and agressively corrupting the vote by hook & by crook and by a plethorea of dirty (and oft' time illegal) tricks.

The coming results:

a) this November, most voters will go to the polls ill informed, mis-informed, and misled (by media all controlled by One Party) into a state of near-panic & fear by an "October Surprise"...which will likely come before October just to avoid the "October Surprise" label. Even so, the One Party has become such a rancid pile Bushit that there will still be enough votes cast against them to derail them...

b) sadly, the One Party has the power to mis-count those votes and thus keep for themselves the power of One Party Rule. And given another two years of One Party Rule/power, they will gain control over so much of the voting process that the 2008 elections will me a mere circus of pure, faked folly.

Conclusion: Our last-chance Constitutional Right for stopping a tyrant from taking over was wisely given US by the Founding Fathers: We the Governed have the Constitutional Right to THROW the bastards out of office!...no election required.

Let US pray it doesn't come to that (but we fear it may).

Brand'em, sez I,

2006-04-07T03:56:00.000-07:00

For being totally fucking un-believably stupid!

After Bushco's Plamegate trigger-man (Scooter "the snitch-eroo" Libby) rolled on W and fingered Little Boss Bush for being THE Valerie P. W-House leaker, AP-Ipsos polled and the survey sez!?!: Bush's approval rating at 36%.

HUH?!!!

Something in the water? In those soft-drinks? I'd like to see the demographix on these 36%ers---I suspect:

1) They were born retarded.

2) They started eating (lead) paint chips at birth and have never kicked the habit: "Duh... How sweet these is. Duh."

3) Their eyeballs are so close together they look like one double-yoked rotten egg stuck to the forehead.

4) They have weak jaws and buck-toothed overbites so extreme you could park a Nazi U-boat underneath...length-wise.

5) They have to take their shoes off to count to three, which they never do because...

6) They haven't taken their shoes off since kindergarten 'cause they don't know how to re-tie them...nor do their degenerate parents.

Recommended remedies for these 36%ers:

a) They should be sterilized.

b) They should have their voting rights ended (for life).

c) They should be banded twice: S (for stupid) on one cheek; Nazi swastika on the other side.

d) They should be rendered to Iraq, stripped naked & dumped in the desert with Ann Coulter & Rush Limpbaugh to co-MC the event.

e) They should be suddamnized by Hussein.

Even so, they'd be getting off light for all the deaths & suffering they have caused and are allowing to continue.
!

Iran Attack: A Win-Win War...

2006-04-03T04:01:00.000-07:00

FOR BUSH AND THE GOP

By attacking Iran just before this Nov's elections, Jane & Joe American Meathead will keep the evil, greedy lying bastards (and bitchs) Republicans in power---because Jane & Joe are so gawdamn stupid: Win #1 for Bush & the GOP.

This attack will then incite GLOBAL terrorist attacks against Americans, and thus Jane & Joe American Meathead (who are, by nature, cowards) will be in an increased and persistant state of mindless terror and perfectly willing to concede all the Constitutional rights of ALL Americans. Win #2 for Bush & the GOP.

I say again: All who support the Bush and/or the GOP ought to have their foreheads branded with a Nazi swastica and ONLY THEIR Constitutional rights be suspended...for life.
!

I thunk-it

2006-04-02T04:24:00.000-07:00

I thunk-it

This just in: Condi Rice sez, "I was speaking figuratively," when she claimed to be a big Beatles fan...this after being brought up to speed on the following historic facts:

John Lennon was NOT a Russian gangsta-turned pop singer/song-writer;

there was never a Beatle named Paul McCarthy (whom Rice had said was her "favorite" beetle(sic) 'cause he had the cutest & loosest comb-over & always said the neatest things;

that Ringo Star was NOT a mythincal American cowpoke (tunefully immortalized by Lorn Greene) with a sweet (but faked) Liverpoolian accent;

and that George Harrison never stared in a Tarzan flick with a half-naked wet-T-shirted honey of a TEN (white) beauty-babe.

Figuratively speaking, we here at the (now-empty) treehouse halls of Secret Attack Squirrel think Rice is a slut, a cunt, a whore, a bitch, a witch, and a demonic & evil liar/traitor/defiler of the Constutution of the US. All of US ought to be ashamed of that hoe (methinks most of US are).
!

The "Great ones" fall hard.

2006-04-02T03:29:00.000-07:00

I'm weeping here.

The burning question of where Secret Attack Squirrel and his merry crew disappeared to and what they might be doing has been answered: Western Union has apparently signed SAS and his mighty band of flying tree-jumpers for an ad' campaign, wherein SAS picks the pocket of a fool (presumably just knocked senseless by a SAS fartbomb) who didn't use Western Union for his personal back-pocket financial security. T'was a sad sighting, as it's clear that the SAS team has not been eating well, nor bathing regularly, poor fellows---our once-upon-a-time super-hero is barely recognizable, especially without his cape, and his ERT (Emergency Repsonse Team) have fared no better...we rue & morn their downfall from active altruism to irresponsible commercialism.

Otherwise, I have nothing new to comment on this morning...excpet this: on all fronts, it's business as usual in the DC Beltway---the road to Iran is being speedily paved and readied for the GOPer war-machine to be forced-marched on a mission to save themselves and their boss come November by keeping Jane & Joe American Meathead hiding under their beds and shivering with the scared-shitless fear of a regime change [in Washington] during a time of not one, but TWO illegal wars started by & for the benefit of Republicans and their American Military Industrial Complex.

We're screwed.
!

Scooped!

2006-03-29T04:19:00.000-08:00

:(
I just hate it when this happens.

T'was sniffing around AMERICAblog's open thread yesterday morning when, on the heels of the news that Card is leaving the W-House, a commenter unleashed an obviousity that would-a made me red-faced...were it not for my furriness...because she thunk-it first: the W-House was playing the Card card just then to distract everyone from what really matters, ie the latest memo proving that GWBush lied US into illegally attacking Iraq.

This is really embarrassing, being scooped like this, and the scoop was Right-on: everybody everywhere was (& still is) talkin'bout nuttin but Card & nobody, but nobody, uttered the barest sylable of Bushlies Inc.'s illegal lies taking US into an illegal war with Iraq.

This is a War Crime. The Nazi Hague trials determined it to be against the laws of all nations for one nation to attack another nation without the nation in the first part first being attacked by the nation of the second part. Treaties were signed, gifts exchanged, cheek-to-jowl kisses swiped this way & that.

Impeachment is not enough, it's inadequate. Open the Hague, dust off the furniture, and bring everyone in Bushco to trial for committing war crimes against Iraq---W's Iraq cabal & all others serving in the W-House. Until this transpires, there is no justice this side of the Hague's Nazi trials and We the People, as a nation, deserve to be red-faced from now till hell freezes over.
!

Two-fer Tuesday...

2006-03-28T02:01:00.000-08:00

!2!

It's mighty rare for this old cat to have two thoughts on mind at once to ponder at once, but things are happin'in so fast lately.

1) Sit on a block of ice long enough & your butt becomes desensitized---"Hey, it don't feel cold no moe!" Now this: the (minimalist) shared National conscience has been sitting on the Downing Street Memo(Minutes) and countless other proofs that Bush lied/lies...repeatedly...for so long that now, the latest meeting-minutes/memo proof that W lied US into illegally attacking Iraq brings this nominal sentiment: "Yeh? So? What's new?" (Shrug & heavy sigh on the side.) Jane & Joe American Meathead are not surprised, not concerned, not outraged...They're used to this Bushit.

2) It's curious that the one & only 9/11 (would-be) attacker who was caught in time to stop him (Moussaoui) was the one who's mission was to fly a plane into the W-House. The W-House? Hum. That's verrrry interesting. What are the odds W's fascist police would only catch the one guy who was a threat to the smirking chimp and his Attack Iraq Cabal? One in Five, you say? How fortuitous for the cowardly little retard and his evil flying monkies. Of course, just to be safe, all the real fascist targets managed to be out of town on 9/11...just in case Moussaoui had an unidentified second-string back-up killer on the bench to complete the W-House mission.

Verrry interesting, and way over the head of Jane & Joe American Meatheads' utter stupidity.
!

Now don't this beat all...

2006-03-27T05:52:00.000-08:00

!!!

ANOTHER (once-secret) memo has surfaced proving that W's illegal Iraq war was started by W and Toni "the lap dog" Blair in violation of international law. Am I having a daze-yaw-voo here, or what? Weren't the Downing Street Minutes enough proof that W and his lap dog are international criminals for starting an illegal war in violation of international law?...t'is enough to convict, it just ain't happening.

But besides, these pesky memos are nothing more than mere traces of lipstick on the rim of Bushco's global hog trough of power & wealth for greedy and corrupt GOPers & DINOs anyway.

Yud think it'd be rather crowed around this bottomless buffet of evul & lustful indulgances---what with corporations & the American Christian Taliban Coalition & the Red Cross & politicians & lobbyists etc etc---but yuh gotta remember: she's a goddamn BIG trough they'z ringed around, goddamn big, and the Constitution "...is just a goddamn piece of paper," and Congress is more twisted & crooked than a back-woods construction zone where all the warning signs just say, "GO FUCK YOURSELF".

And it all boils down to the same-o same-o bottom line, time & time again: Jane & Joe American voters are vacuous, fatuous meatheads---and cowards, too, one & all.
!

Get your wind up...

2006-03-26T06:25:00.000-08:00

...elsewhere.

One of my threee sons has a checkered past in the newspaper business: A&E (not the network) writer, political columnist, editor, editor-in-chief, currently an editor-at-large (all papers to remain nameless). He sometimes "attaches" with an e-mail to me, "Submitted for you approval," or "Could you proof this really quick?"...(with full knowledge that spelling ain't a strong point for any old one-eyed broke-tailed tomcat like me).

These attachments are becoming evermore rare, as "buddy" has learned that such requests (for approval/proofing) always open the back door to merciless attacks from this ornery old half-fossilized coot who's tasted blood & likes it.

To the point: one of my triad of "most-made mistakes by writers" is "too windy; excessive wordiness".

Well I just skimmed some of the blogs that've been judged "best" for one thing or another (not by me) and is seems that windy, excessive wordiness is one thing all the winners have in common... Six words when one will do; ten sentences when one will do; a dozen paragraphs when one will do etc etc.

The problem: Who duh fuck has the time, patience, and/or infinite attention-span to wade thru' 1,000 words in order to get a handle on a 100-word assertion? Not me! In my mind: Word Count Don't Count. Not so in bloggoland, I guess.

Dozen't matter. I must re-locate the closing line in a letter from one 18th century writer (an American Founder) to a friend, wherein he finished with, "Sorry this letter is so lengthy, but I don't have time to shorten it." (So I can give credit where credit it due.)

That pretty much sez it all, Don't it?

GET TO THE POINT & STOP. PERIOD. END OF SENTENCE. THE END.
!

Sic Sic Sic...

2006-03-25T04:27:00.000-08:00

!!!

"I'm the president, I can break any law I want to. So there."

The recent US "Patriot" Act(sic sic sic nomenclature) extention/expansion (essentially up-suspending our Constitutionally guaranteed rights, protections and freedoms) has been signed by W with this Executive addemdum: "Just so you understand, I'm the president and this is just a goddamn piece of paper I'm signin here---it doesn't mean a goddamn thing. So there."

Meanwhile, Jane & Joe American Meathead and our corrupt Congress nod approvingly with these shared thoughts:

"Goddamn He's good! W's not just signing an un-American bill redacting half the Constitution in His great war in keeping US safe from the evil demons He has created, is reproducing at exponential rates and is currently nurturing with the blood of tens of thousands of innocent Iraqi civilians; He's goin the extra mile by giving US notice that He will ignore any part of the Act that doesn't suit Him any time he feels like it. Gaddamn He's good!"

"I'm the president and this is just a goddamn piece of paper."

On another page, Uncle Walter has cast his brilliant luminance on what's obvious to everyone except Jane & Joe American Meathead: ie that Nightly Network News Networks are spending half their quarter-hour air-time (chinked between commercials) teasing the fuff instead of reporting NEWS they ought-a be covering. WC should-a added the obvious reason for this: Corporate M$M is in the business of treating Jane & Joe American Meathead like mushrooms (always keep 'em in the dark & just feed 'em Bushit) because, "Depressed consumers are not in the mood to buy the un-safe drugs, gas-guzzling SUVs & China-made junk we're trying to hawk here."

Every (potential) voter who still supports this president should lose the right to vote, for life (for being so galdarn stupid); every Congress-person (R & D alike) who still supports this president should have a Nazi swaztika branded into their forehead, be removed from office into an eight X ten cell (for life) and stripped of all benefits...for acts of sedition against the Constitution of the USA.
!

The forge is hot...

2006-03-24T09:53:00.000-08:00

...strike the iron now.

Lack of tolerance is not a virtue: lack of tolerance is weakness; t'is a lack of faith.

Thar ought-a be a word for "lack of tolerance", but there is none (that I know of---"intolerance" doesn't cut it).

I hereby drop this hammer upon the hot steel of philosophicmoronic anvilisitudiness: "Lack of tolerance" shall heretofore be known as...(drum roll please): the implimitation of draconian actions or thoughts for the purpose of insulating one's self from those who disagree or act in ways one judges disagreeable to one's perfect comfort zone/or insinuating one's prefered self-behaviors on those whom he has power over...what-ever.

DAMN-IT! "Lack of tolerance" is way-more efficient.

ergo...

Lack of tolerance = untolerable.
There: I've hatched a new word.
!

A little knowledge...

2006-03-24T05:20:00.000-08:00

...is a dangerous thing.

In reading Paul Johnson's "A History of the American People" I have been introduced to the ruminations, concerns and objectives which were guiding our Founding Fathers while drafting and ratifying the Constitution of the USA---its Articles and Amendments. I am left with this clear belief: W Bush is the most un-American, anti-Constitutional, lawless, dispicable and criminal president one can ever imagine, let alone envision in the flesh.

It was like being in a dark, windowless room & suddenly the lights are switched on. Oh yeah, in the darkness I could hear, feel and smell the rot and the danger around US; but now I see outright the face of this evil that's bound for America's Constitutional ruination, and it is the face of W. Bush.

If every American (who can vote) could be induced to read what I have now read, only un-American citizens who are anti-Constitutional would allow this foul man to stay in office any longer. I do now absolutely believe the reports that W has called the Consutution of the USA, "...just a Goddamn piece of paper."

But like I said at the top: "A little knowledge is a dangerous thing." I have a long way to go before being certain beyond any doubt that I fully understand every angle of the Constitution.

But I am certain about this beyond any doubt: Everything I have written (here and elsewhere) is Constitutionally Protected Free Speech and anyone who would take any steps against me should be arrested and tried for Sedition of the Constitution of the USA and when found guilty, a Nazi Swastika shall be branded into their forehead before further sentence is carried out: ie Life in Prison (for starters).
!

Bush Admits he Can't Fix What he Broke!

2006-03-22T03:16:00.000-08:00

!
Easier than reading between the lines...

The chimp-in-chief finally said it, he finally confessed to John Q. Public that he lacks the skills, intelligence and competence to straighten out the mess he has created in Iraq...

Q: When can the troops in Iraq come home?

W's A: "That's for future presidents to decide."

For the benefit of any meathead who might be reading this, the above means: "I can't fix it."

-----------Meanwhile-----------

I had been awaiting with baited breath for the obvious follow-up question to the question previous to the above question...the previous question being: "Since all the reasons you gave for attacking Iraq have now been proven false, What was the REAL reason you started that war?"...

The OFUQ (Obvious Follow-Up Question) I was waiting for: "Since all the reasons you gave for attacking Iraq have now been proven false, Why should we believe ANY reason you are now giving US for going to war with Iran?"

Watching W's reaction to this OFUQ would've been oh-so telling, oh-so sweet. But alas, once again, human beans far smarter than this broken down old fart of a cat totally fucking missed the totally fucking obvious!

Anyhow, W's admission that HE can't fixed what he broke may be an indication that the wittow-boy's bubble has been pricked and the air's leaking out. This may be the much anticipated tipping-point that starts Bush slip-sliding toward an inevitable loss of control and continence in a public venue, wherein he'll self-expose himself for what he is: a screw-up, a lying idiot, at fault for everything, and incompetent.
!

I screwed up...

2006-03-14T05:17:00.000-08:00

Pardon the spell-oh's!....I'm only seeing red right now.

Frist must be channeling this blog; he just didn't hit his grand-slam in the World Series of House Votes:

Frist calls a Quickie-vote on Finegold's, "Censure the Scum-bag Smirking-chimp Traitor Shit-for-brains prez-NOT" bill and kills it abortion-style...so now it's old news & the Repugs/DINOs will have it buried before this Nov's elections.

Stage II--The World Serious: call another quickie-vote on Wimpeachment hearings and THAT little bother will be buried, too. Is Frist this 'mart? Nope.

But it matters not: Jane & Joe American Meathead are so fucking stupid, ignorant and vacuously fatuitious (fatuitously vacuous?) that the next election will be just like the last: Meatheads screaming & running around like chicken-shitted chickens with their heads cut off & voting helter-skelter split-ticket Fuck Me! the status-quo is certainty(BAD) butt-fuck-me better than some unknown candydate who might be even worse than the WORST of the Worst ghasp gasp gased OH GOD I'M DYING HERE.

As a Nation, We have the government we deserve...too bad the rest of US have to suffer under this majority of RETARDS.
!

If the Repugs are smart...

2006-03-12T05:21:00.000-08:00

They'll start W-impeachment hearings before Nov.

Here's how it works: if the Repugs start W-impeachment hearings before the Nov elections, they'll keep their majorities in Congress...and then, after the elections, the W-impeachment hearings will find the chimp guiltless and the case for impeaching W will be closed...forever.
!

Waxing philositics...

2006-03-11T13:54:00.000-08:00

Havenots need not:

Aristocrats can detect no distinction between luxury and necessity: ergo in the aristocratic mindset, giving to the needy is giving a gift of Luxury and by reverse-definition, NOT necessary. Food, clothing, shelter, medical care---all Luxuries reserved for those who are either born as deserving heirs of the Necessary Luxuries of life, or paid to those who are not too lazy to work for them; everyone else?...well that's too bad: aristocrats see no aspects to Life such as good luck/bad luck or the one-sided unfairness of greed and graft, nor the slings and arrows of outragous discrimination.

Barb Bush exposed this mindset perfectly when observing that the Havenots displaced by Katrina into Huston had never before had it so good: they had been lifted up by that hurricane and dropped into a lap of (relative) Luxury. A clear-cut case of Doublethink: in the aristicrat's mind, every Luxury they (the rich) enjoy is a Necessity; every Necessity Havenots lack is a Luxury to them. Aristrocrats may well call this "relativity" and let it go at that.

One wonders how these aristcrats will fit through the eye of a needle come Reckoning Day, or if they will even be asked to do so. We ask this question because we recognize and (begrudgingly) accept Life's Truth that Life ain't fair; we must then admit to the real possibility that maybe Death ain't fair either---which would be a bitter and poisonous icing on the cruel and inedible cake of a Havenot's life of discomforture due to neediness...and it shall come as no surprise to this old humbug, if that's how it works out.

God forgive me for hoping Death will be Fair...to aristocrats and Havenots alike.
!

Dumbdee dumb dumb DUMB!

2006-03-10T04:37:00.000-08:00

DEMOCRACY IN THE USA IS DEAD

Tho' abundandly aware of the "LOL" thing, I despise it...and thus this ol' cat uses "Ah Ha Ha Ha Ha!"---which is now applied to all those in bloggoland's leftern hemisphere who have crowed (many are crowing still) about how W was beaten out of making his US ports deal with those rag-heads over at DPW, because...

Can anyone say "Halliburtan"? Ah Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!

And another thing: W no longer needs another 9/11-esque attack to scare the living shit out of the [cowardly] Jane & Joe American majority of Meatheads in order to re-cement his stupid ass into his elevated throne of unchallenged Power over We the People, the Constitution and the Rule of Law, because...

Can anyone say "War with Iran"? So...

If another 9/11 doesn't hit US by this coming October, W will be "forced" to attack Iran and then, being scared shitless, Jane & Joe American Meathead will keep the GOP in Congressional power, because...

"OMG we can't change leadership in the middle of a fucking war that this fucking Republican leadership started!...scream scream scream scream scream!"

And then we can be sure that W has turned the situtation in the Mid-East into such a horribly dangerous state [by November of 2008] that He* will be "forced" to impose Martial Law on US and suspend the Constitution (and all elections) until this long (ie never-ending) war against terror is won(not) and the USA will have gone the way of the Roman Empire---which is not to compare the Roman Empire with what the USA was before W turned US into a neo-Roman Empire with himself as God's chosen Ruler over the Free World, which he means to destroy in God's name by killing everybody who ain't a Christian in His* own likeness.

*We must now always cap' "He" and "His" and "Him" whenever refering to His Royal Majesty, King George Imp, His Holy Greatness and God's Gift to the Chosen (ie GOPers only) who will inherit the World after the End Days which He is working so hard to bring down upon the planet and humanity...hopefully before his second term is up on January of 2009, so He can take credit for it and sit at the Right hand of God, where He knows he belongs and is fated to end up.

ALL THANKS TO THE COWARDLY SUPIDITY OF JANE & JOE AMERICN MEATHEAD!!!

Let US brey (like the asses we've all been).

Just passing through...

2006-03-01T05:15:00.000-08:00

P/U

Even from the depths of a self-imposed news black-out, even for a one-eyed cat with only two brain-cells still functioning, it's impossible to wholly immunize one's self from all the bad that's goin on; even against predominently westerly winds & 200mph jet-streams, the stench of DC Beltway corruption finds us out west of the Mississippi and stuns our senses senseless...and yea but we still smell it, and it stinks to high Heaven.

As I write this, Bushco's GOP is maneuvering to outlaw a citizen's Constitutional right to critisize the commander in chimp; meanwhile, the GOP is likewise moving to make it a crime to expose criminals and their crimes, or to act against any on-going crimes...ie when the criminals are Republican and their crimes are against the Contitution, the USA, or the people of the USA.

And worst of all, Jane & Joe American Meathead have been so sheepishly brain-dead for so long that it's now too late to change course...the momentum of Republican corruption is unstoppable.

I'll be around, maybe,
Black Jack Brisco

It's useless...

2006-02-02T03:33:00.000-08:00

A BRIEF FAREWELL

Now that it's been demonstrated beyond any shadow of doubt that the Republican Party is corrupt to the core, through & through, and that a large majority of Democratics are no better, it is abundantly clear that there is nothing this one-eyed cat with the twice-broken-tailed can do to save the country from self-destructing.

With that in mind, I am returning to my once-upon-a-time rule-for-living, ie "Ignorance is Bliss". ergo I have decided to follow Secret Attack Squirrel and his merry crew into the mindless bliss of utter ingnorance concerning politics...in other words, I am "tuning out": no more news; no more web-surfing for news; no more commentary on the failing state of this collapsing Union; and no more on-line attempts at activism.

Heaven save US, for we are DOOMED!

Black Jack Brisco
(I feel better already. And come November, I'm voting against the incumbants no matter what party they [claim] to be a part of.)

Unfathomable stupidity...

2006-01-29T03:36:00.000-08:00

More cord, please:

Just when I thought my plumb-line had sounded the absolute bottom of American meat-headedness, we hear about a poll (or polls) finding that a "majority" (somewhere over 50%---I can't find the specifics) are in favor a preemtive military strike against Iran! Ergo I ask:

HOW STUPID CAN STUPID GET?

Clearly: A whole lot stupidder that I thought! Now that a majority has finally---after almost three years of feebly pondering the bold-faced facts of undeniable reality---a majority has finally found themselves stunned with the blatantly obvious facts of that reality: Bush lied US into attacking Iraq, attacking Iraq was a HUGE mistake, and in the war in Iraq, we are totally fucked...fucked by Bush and the supidity of Jane & Joe American Meathead.

Now Bushco is playing the same crooked card trick with a stacked IRAN deck, and all the meatheads of America are falling for the same stupid, crooked card trick all over again.

HOW STUPID CAN YOU GET?!

Stupidder still, clearly.

It took Jane & Joe American Meathead over 2 years to catch on to the fact that Bush had scammed US into attacking Iraq, so sometime before Nov of this year Bush will attack Iran...he has already started the same con-game scam again and Jane & Joe are already going, "Ooh ooh ooh," again, and, "Ooh ooh ooh, good move Mr. Pres...So duh I duh guess duh this duh means duy now I duh gotta vote straight GOP 'cause Dems are soft on war & we don't wanna change hobby-horsies in duh middle duh of duh another duh war.

The effects of this unfathomable stupidity will be horrific: above and beyond the horrors of yet another unjustified con-war, the Iranian oil output will go the way of Iraqi oil production (ie DOWN!), ergo the price of oil will skyrocket and the cost of energy will become impossible to shoulder: those of us who must commute to work will not be able to because only the rich will be able to buy gasoline; the cost of everything we buy will skyrocket because the cost of transporting said goods will instantly reach the point where only the rich can afford to buy ANYTHING; our economy will crash and with the Bushco deficit being so horribly astronomical, the USA will have a credit rating of junk-bonds minus-ten thousand points, which will make it impossibe for the fed to borrow any money to do a single goddamn thing save US.

The depression of the '30s will pale in comparison to where we'll be five years from now and then, JANE & JOE AMERICAN MEATHEAD, your unfathomable stupidity will be to blame and the worst of it is (as if things could be any worse) is that YOU WILL NOT HAVE LEARNED A GODDAMN THING!!! You'll still be even stupidder than stupid gets and sucked in yet again by the Bushit bullshit of even more "trickle-down" economics to save the day, and that will be then END of DAYS for the USA and probably much of the world.

If I had the magical power to do so, I would disallow ANYONE who supports a strike against Iraq a vote in November, or to vote EVER AGAIN for life.

Will I ever sound the absolute bottom of American stupidity? Methinks there ain't enough string in the whole world to plumb that deep.

I I knew Kennedy & Kerry...

2006-01-28T04:43:00.000-08:00

!!!FILIBUSTER!!!

Even if those with the spine & will to filibuster Alito don't have enough true-blue soldiers to sustain such a battle for long, they ought to take their best shot anyway---and forcibly smoke out the DINO's, exposing them to light of day for the public to see unshrouded and without ambiguity.

IT'S THE TEN-LETTER F-WORD, STUPID!!!

Promising rumors?

2006-01-27T06:04:00.000-08:00

...Irrational Optimism, anyone?

Rumors are flying in bloggoland's leftern hemisphere that Beltway Dems JUST might manage to oomph up the intestinal oomph to shit themselves a genuinte anti-Sammy "the machine-gun" Borkalito filibuster!

Fact: Those who fear the "nuclear option" invocation are FOOLS! FOOLS I say...either that, or they're DINO's merely decrying their fear of their fears (to justify their bed-wetting fear of losing the filibuster).

Fact: Outlawing the filibuster is a double-edged sword. If the Rupugs rip filibustering from the cold dead hands of this cold (& thus proven) dead Dem party, the filibuster will still be gone when Dems take back the majority...and they will, IF they stand up against that Repugnatious Alito bat-bastard from hell NOW.

Fact: Failure to face the threat of an anti-filibuster nuke'op will hurt Dems this Nov, while aiding and abetting Bushco's insidiously corrupt GOP! ie. Beltway Dems who run & hide from an Alito filibuster will cost the Demo Party a fair shot at retaking the majority in one house for sure, probably both.

I have a bi-dicotomous dream:

1) Dems call the Repug's bluff(?) and successfully filibuster Alito;
1a) Dems win a 2-house majority---reward for showing some spine;

2) Dems filibuster Alito, Repugs push the nuke'op button & put Alito on the SC;
2a) this is the best: Dems win a 2-house majority after Repugs have outlawed filibustering, ergo Dems can impeach Bushco unchallenged, Dems can pass huge TAKE-BACK taxes on corporations and the richest of the rich---also unchalllenged, and Dems can start rebuilding our social infrastructures...almost* totally unchallenged.

* Lest I forget: Dems would have enough majority to over-ride any & all (R) W-House vetoes, no matter who's prez (by de-fault of Chimp&Cheney&Condisucknfuck being sent home tard & feathured.

I be hopin', but not holding my breath.
!

Just an observation:

2006-01-26T04:51:00.000-08:00

Atlito confirmed by default of duh DINOs

The GOP threatened "the nuclear option" to castrate the Congressional Dems' filibuster act but when it came Right down to it, the Repugs found nothing to cut off!

We quothe one prominent Repug: "You can't castrate a pig what hath no balls!"

We quothe one prominent DINO: "At least I still have my scrotum intact, so with this here little ol' air-pump I can still continue to fake it...business as usual is better than no business at all, sez I."

More than just a homonym...

2006-01-26T04:26:00.000-08:00

FOOLED AGAIN

After a year of mental-fatiguing stuggles to finally get it straight in my mind (re. the difference between Reed & Reid and which is which) Harry Reid finally (very nearly) settled it for me with a recent speech wherein he quite lucidly ticked off Bushco's crimes against Truth, Justitic and the American way...

But alas, my mind is suddenly cornfused again: Harry Reid, who I had finally got in my head was Harry Reid with a (D) has now said there are 8 senators who don't want to filibuster Sammy "the machine-gun" Borkalito but, he (Reid) refuses to say who those 8 are, adding, "...and I will not attempt to sway their decission not to filibuster...." Oh, that's leadership for yuh.

Well sit me down, freeze my face, slap me silly & call be stoopid!

Ye but we do here confess that this profound re-cornfusion is not entirely unanticipated: in the Reid speech (towit I defere to the above) there was one glaring omission which gave me pause from instantly jumping up & down in unfettered joy & singing, "Reid's a (D), Reid's a (D): my joy was painfully fettered by Reid's ultimate failure to ever utter the "i" word relative to the smirking chimp of whom he was speaking in such illuminous terms.

"Humm," thought I at the time, "this is troubling."

Turns out I was sound in my angst to feel troubled: Reid is an (R) after all, on two counts:
1) singing one tune while dancing to another is, if nothing else, Repugnatious;
2) failure to filibuster Borkalito is, in fact, a vote for confirmation---and confirming "the machine-gun" is the very quintescence of adulterous Repugnacity.

Meanwhile, my list of five "true-blue" Dems is very near to being notched down to just four: by refusing to use the "i" word concerning Bush, and by further stating that instead of impeaching, she, "...preferes to let the electoral process take its course," Pelosi is not just flirting with my EJECT! button, she's taunting me with it!

Finally, this: the Sedate Judiciary Committee is scewing up their spin springs to maximum degree for (pretended) hearings next month into the illegallity, unConstitutionallity and impeachability of Bush's unwarranted spying on innocent American citizens who dare to disagree with the wittow boy pwezidunce's dictatorial headlong drive into tyranny...with him as the sitting/mtn-biking tyranical dictator, natch.

Thumb-screws at 9:11

Let us ponder for a moment...

2006-01-22T04:57:00.000-08:00

Honest players never win in a crooked game.

Will things really change if Dem's take back the majority in either (or even both) house(s) of Congress this Nov.? Methinks not.

Ralph Nader in 2000: "Republicans and Democrats are essentially the same party---their manifest differences are mere window-dressing designed to keep any 3rd party (of real opposition) from ever gaining even a toehold in government." (We paraphrase.) I, Black Jack Brisco, now hereby state catagorically that the differences between the two parties (D&R) are now even less than before: the window-dressing has been reduced to nothing more than a flimsy facade of paper & tempra with no real substance whatsoever.

The evidence is profuse, profound, and it runs both wide and deep all across the nation. Jane & Joe American Meathead have waded in over their heads and are drowning the rest of us with them.

A sage observation...

2006-01-19T06:21:00.000-08:00

...from the past...

re The Bush Dynasty

"...the wrong-doing of one generation lives into the successive ones... ...and becomes a pure and uncontrollable mischief... ...tumbling down an avalanche of ill-gotted gold, or real estate, on the heads of an unfortunate posterity, thereby to maim and crush them, until the accumulated mass shall be scattered abroad in its original atoms."

(by Nathaniel Hawthorne, in his Preface to "The House of the Seven Gables", circa Jan 27, 1851)

I'm not apathetic...

2006-01-19T06:11:00.000-08:00

Powerless, but not apathetic.

Fade to blue...

2006-01-16T02:42:00.000-08:00

So Sad...

Due to a complete lack of interest, spine, pluck & cajonas in Bloggoland's leftern hemisphere, "Let's Roll Day" has been cancelled and the Secret Attack Squirrel "Flight For Freedom" squadron has been dissolved, disbanded, and all sent on their not-so-merry & wayward seperate ways.

It has now been undeniably demonstrated that "I'm a Democrat" voters have exactly the kind of congress-people they deserve: self-interested, spineless, pluckless & de-balled cowards whos' MMO (Main Modus Operandi) is limited to merely whining from the shady shadows of their gutless terrors...just like the vast majority of those who vote for them---those content to just sneak & lurk in the "Comments" boxes of bloggoland's leftern hemisphere.

These cowardly Democrats are always thrilled to whine among themselves on the one hand while piling hoped on hopes that somebody(else) will do something before it's too late...is now too late:

While the congress has been bought & paid for by greedy & corrupt special interests only interested in enriching themsleves, a tyrannical wanna-be dictator has stolen two elections and stacked the Supreme Court with a majority of fools...fools all, because these fools (falsely) believe that the tyrant will continue to honor their blind loyalty to him once they have made him dictator (in fact, if not in print). But the other side of this fact is that a tyrannical dictator honors no one but himself and his own powers---those who have put him in power will only remain in his good grace as long as they continue to do just exactly as he dictates.

The fear of retrubution and ruination that's already and rapidly growing among those who dare criticize the dicatator will soon find themselves succoring to these same fears; where they once imagined special freedoms in their own thoughts & actions (in return for supporting the dictator's rise to tyrannical powers) they will instead find themselves just as easily dumped, dismissed, even punished, as the dictator's detractors have been.

Witness the evidence: continual and unlawful lying to congress and the American people goes unchallenged by any legal actions, ergo unstopped and by extropolation, condoned; spying on peace groups, anti-war groups, and the illegal tapping of phone/e-mail/internet traffic of ALL AMERICANS likewise goes unchalleged, and is thus unwittingly condoned by those who could stop it but refuse to do so---either from fear, or because they secretly support the notion of the USA becoming a dictatorship WITH THEMSELVES IN PERPETUAL POSITIONS OF UNMITIGATED POWER. This group includes all the fools in Traditional Media who are supporting this tyrant's rise to power by popogating his lies and deceits; further compounded by their failure to speak out against the criminal acts he commits with unchallenged impunity.

All the whining little worms in bloggoland who SAS tried so feverishly to rouse in protest/domonstration have, by their inaction, surrendered to the coming tyranny and absolutely, unchangeably relegated themselves to being the lowest craps in the lowest class/caste system that is now falling down upon us.

This is a perfect example of "Life ain't fair": while all those who are failing to take a stand against this decline into tyranny deserve no more than to be ruled by an evil dictator, those of us who are taking a stand DON'T deserve it, but we will never-the-less be forced under the grist mill right along with these spineless worms, and I hate them for it.

I'm alone in the SAS G-HQ treehouse this morning---all others have fled and I shall soon follow their well-advised but saddening example.

I'm turning out the lights now. Farewell...signing off here,
---Black Jack Brisco---

PS: Due to a (D)party-wide lack of spine, pluck & cahones, LET'S ROLL DAY, the IMPEACH BUSH DRIVE-IN and the UN-PLUG BUSHCO ROLLING BLACK-OUT have been cancelled...even the Squirrel's Pearls were bigger than those he found in bloggoland!
:(

LET'S ROLL DAY

2006-01-15T05:46:00.000-08:00

thunk-it

the IMPEACH BUSH DRIVE-IN
----1/21/06
----noon to 1:00 your local time
----drive by local newspaper/TV & radio stations with window signs: IMPEACH BUSH

the UN-PLUG BUSHCO ROLLING BLACK-OUT
----1/21/06
----9:00 pm to 10:00 your local time
----turn off all you lights

LET'S ROLL!
!

This is Bad:

2006-01-15T04:25:00.000-08:00

HORRORS!

Emergency measures are called for, response options being considered: the coffee-maker here at SAS's Global Headquarters died early this morning, leaving everyone in a dim state of dull-head dim-wittedness and to make matters worse, our Emergency Supply of instant coffee has petrified into a monolithic, glass-aromored rock and to make matters worser still, severe withdrawl symptoms are beginning to surface...this is not good: there's nothing more dangerous than a Secret Attack Squirrel reeling & writhing in the grips of an involuntary caffine no-fix fit.

This idea has been floated: raid the neighborhood Speedy-Shop/Kwik-Stop-Kum&Go/7-11 for a new jar of fresh instant (yuk) freeze-dried coffee crystals...the hat's being passed even as I type this blog report slated for immediate release. Meanwhile...

Damn: this just in: the Seedy-Speedy-Kwiky-Shop does not carry instant coffee! Cranking up his super-heroic micro-brain, Secret Attack Squirrel said in a muddled tone, "Extreme emergencies call for extreme measures." Ergo we have recoved that one chunk of fossilized instant coffee from the trash can, added a dash of hot water and shook vigorously, thus producing a semi-liquified super-consentrate of W-990. Owing to zero experience with mixing tolleable measurements of this dubious concoction, the first cup had the consistancy of much over-used lawn-mower engine oil at first sip, Secret Attack Squirrel shot sraight out the hanger-bay door on a point-blank trajectory for immediate collision into the side of a passing Continental bus...Chartered to Chicago.

We have now diluted this possibly poisonous brew, but the jury's still out (on various limbs) in juditious consideration of its potential potability and viability for suporing life.

A new development: the SAS Flight Boss just arose with heartening news: "We have another, (really)old coffee-maker long-ago retired to moth-balls and it should still be serviceable."

Manna from heaven! :)

New Business: Secret Attack Squirrel yesterday was much enthused to find a budding interest in the IMPEACH BUSH DRIVE-IN; also, this interest spawned the UN-PLUG BUSH ROLLING BLACK-OUT plan and all this has now hatched into what's being called "LET'S ROLL DAY".

the DRIVE-IN: 1/21/06 noon to 1:00 your local time, drive by you local newspaper/TV & radio stations with IMPEACH signs in car windows.

the ROLLING BLACK OUT: 1/21/06 from 9:00 to 10:00 pm your local time, turn out your house lights.

LET'S ROLL!
!

LET'S ROLL DAY COUNT-DOWN

2006-01-14T07:54:00.000-08:00

There's somethin happin here...

1/21/06 IMPEACH BUSH DRIVE-IN (see earlier blog)

1/21/06 UNPLUG BUSHCO WAVE OF DARKNESS: 8:05 pm (local) turn on all house lights; 9:00 all lights out; 9:05 back to normal

LET'S ROLL!

HONK OR SURRENDER

2006-01-14T04:58:00.000-08:00

No Beep & you're a gonner:

Secret Attack Squirrel's Commodore keyboard has really been smokin...

Unlike virtually everybody else in Bloggoland's leftern hemisphere, SAS is actually taking action: he has jumped on board this HONKATHON thing and is doing his best to pass the word & get the plan out.

There are those who are trying to shut this deal down by poo-pooing, saying, "Why bother? Ain't gonna do no good."

Clearly, non-commitants like these poo-pooer poopie-pants lack the grand vision Secret Attack Squirrel has revealed to the rest of us here at SAS Global Headquarters:

Imagine, if you will, a massive HONKATHON turn-out wherein an hour-long steady stream of IMPEACH BUSH cars cruises by all the newspaper/TV & radio stations all across this (once) great Nation of ours. Tho' the Big Dogs of Traditional Media (formerly known as M$M) will make every attempt to sweep this auto-monumental demonstration under the skirt-folds of pro-Bushco spinning & lies, the local outlets wouldn't dare---it'll be a big story & good press for them (if not the chimp)...and to ignore it would be at their peril.

Sadly, SAS has so far had little luck (no luck, really) garnering any support for this peaceful but potentially noisy demonstration against the looming threat of a smirking chimp becoming tyrant and dictator over US.

to summerize:

what: IMPEACH BUSH DRIVE-IN HONKATHON

when: 1/21/06 noon to 1:00 your local time

where: your local newspaper/TV & radio stations

action: make car-window sign saying IMPEACH BUSH and drive by above venues honking

All you need is one sheet of paper and a crayon...everybody's got that. But two crayons would be nice and with that in mind, we suggest a Red White & Blue color scheme: Red & Blue lettering on white paper. Of course, everyone should feel free to let their own creative juices flow just this once.

Nothing could be easier: no distant travel, no endless search for a parking space, no long walk to the scene of the demonstration, no long march---and in a car, you're less likely be be culled, misused and abused by jack-booted thugs hiding behind cop badges.

Doing nothing but whine = a surrender to tyranny!
!

HONK TO IMPEACH

2006-01-13T04:46:00.000-08:00

HONK TO IMPEACH DRIVE-IN

1/21/06

noon to 1:00 local time

drive by local newspaper/TV stations honking honking honking

be there or surrender to tyranny

2006-01-13T02:57:00.000-08:00

iIi

For many hours now, Secret Attack Squirrel has been prostrated by an apoplectictifying attack of severest perlexity. What caused this condition? News that Sammy "the machine-gun" Borkalito's confirmation to the SCotUSA will likely not be fillibustered by Damnocrats, thus alowing the wittow boy preziducne to punt another of his Bushevikian pro-tyranny/pro-dictatorship fascists into the highest court in the land, thus putting the High Court onto a fast, oily track designed to fast-track the Constutution of the USA to the very bottom of the GOPer oil-fired, civil/human rights-burning burn-pile of unbriddled GOPer evil, greed and corruption.

Ordinarily, this is where SAS's Emergency Response Team would swing into action and take whatever actions were deemed necessary and apropriate to revive and restore our fainted hero back up to snuff as the super-hero he ordinarily is, but none of the ERT has yet returned from their flights abroad caused by that gawd-all mighty powerful accidental fartbomb explosion of several days past. So, throwing caution to the wind, this reporter has taken matters into his own paws and broken cell-phone silence: I called all three ERT members and told'em wha' hoppen'd, adding, "Get your tails back here ASAP!" and further adding, "Our Nation needs you!" and additionally adding, "Get the lead out!" and finally adding, "Please?"

One ERT member asked, "Anything else?" and I added, "This (Sammy 'the machine-gun' Borkalito) situation is only the tip of the iceburg: As we speak, Bushco is currently fixing faux-facts to justify tactical nuclear strikes against Iran and un-warranted illegal wire-taps by the Bushco-controled NSA are spreading faster that fartbomb fumes and the IRS is illegally feeding NSA data on leftist voters and the NSA is illegally spying of anti-war individuals, groups, clubs, old grannies and anybody else who disagrees with the wittow boy prezidunce and it's been proven that Duhyuh wanted to bomb al Jazeera and he did fix faux-facts to justify attacking Iraq and our chicken-shitted Damnocrats AIN'T DOING A FUCKING THING ABOUT IT!"

T'was then I paused to take a deep breath, only to be rewarded by cell-phone silence from the cell-phone ethernet: ERT #2 had hung up on this reporter.

On that unsettling note, we end this transmission until further notice.
?

This & that beats all.

2006-01-12T03:37:00.000-08:00

HOOPS

The startling behavior of Secret Attack Squirrel and Black Jack Brisco---that one-eyed cat with the twice-broke zig-zag skelatal tail---becoming bossom drinkin buddies yesterday has apparently ended. The facts are not entirely clear at this time, but we can surmise certain inferences from observable evidence in the SAS G-HQ hanger following Black Jack's paniced, head-over-tail full-throttle withdrawl from the scene.

It seems that after several hours of imbibing heady ale (67 pints are currently missing from inventory) SAS & BJ adjourned to the G-HQ mess-hall for aspirin & a snack and unwittingly, it seems, Secret Attack Squirrel ate something "disagreeable" and before long, he had inadvertantly worked up enough gas to arm several small fartbombs, one of which was incidentally and accidentally released in close quarters (a seriously nasty combination). Fortunately, the high-explosive fumes did not detonate (for a change) but with his most-recent involuntary super-global circumnaviation still in the forefront of his adled memory, Black Jack hit the road running...

...Remember you heard it here first: Secret Attack Squirrel came instantly to the hanger-bay door and leaning out, cried after Black Jack, "Sorry about that, old man! I didn't mean to...I didn't do it on purpose! It WAS a dud, after all. No real harm done!"

T'was then that SAS passed out and plummeted straight down, head first...impact with the ground necessarily forced another fartbomb release and sadly, this time, this one did ignite. But once again, good fortune was on the side of good and the ensuing fire-ball was rather small and quickly and harmlessly dissipated into a light, southerly breeze.

It is the opinion of this reporter that at their earliest possible convenience, Secret Attack Squirrel's DOA (Dept of Ordinance Arming--aka the chief cook & bottle-washer here at SAS G-HQ) create new standards and immediately implement improved proceedures for the CONTROLED arming of Secret's fartbombs! This business of giving SAS carte blanc access to the raw material required for fueling and arming fartbombs HAS GOT TO STOP! Though our illustrious super-hero always conducts himself with the best of intentions and n'er a bit of malice towards others, he simply can not be trusted in the pantry! QED all these accidental weapons releases, and the unintentional meyham they produce. Indeed, none of the ERT (Emergency Response Team) has yet return from afar and afield, making us wonder if maybe, just maybe, they've gone AWOL...perfectly unerstandable under these latest mitigating circumstances.

Back at-cha tomorrow.

Of politics, booze & strange bedfellows:

2006-01-11T04:35:00.000-08:00

I thunk-it

Where we left off yesterday: Black Jack Brinco had gotten into the SAS G-HQ flight-hanger and he & Secret Attack Squirrel were circling each other warily...everyone else bailed out el pronto...

Fearing the worst and yet burning up with curiosity, this reporter yesterday crept closer & closer back to Secret Attac Squirrl's Global Head-Quarters, thinking, "It's awful quiet up there, too quiet," thus giving us pause to wonder if Black Jack was just then making a quiet and sensible meal of our dear leader & hero. I had just reached to trunk of the tree when I was startled to hear a macabre and meloncholic tune in the form of Black Jack's felineous voice...only to be further startled to hear Secret Attack Squirrel join in...that's when I was struck in the head by an empty metal flask smelling of whiskey...cheap whiskey...and I was knocked senseless for uncounted minutes.

But upon regaining my senses, the mournful bale was still lilting downward from on high in a slightly-less-than harmonious discombobulation of an old WWII RAF song. With curiosity raging out of control, I mounted the bark and worked my way up to the hanger-bay door with utmost caution & peeking in, was so stunned by the scene that befell my sight that I fell plumb out of the tree and knocked myself senseless all over again...

Here's what I recall seeing: SAS & Black Jack leaning together, obviously propping each other up, shoulder to shoulder & forelegs locked, leaning on G-HQ's plastic piano, weilding mugs of ale and apparently deep in the throes of some kind-a weird counter-species male bonding thing! On a far wall hung the wittow-boy pwezidunce in effigy, spiked through with enough English-feathered darts to quill a porkee-pine! "Where'd they get all those darts?" I recall asking myself during free-fall on the way down to the ground for a hard & heavy landing.

I'm almost back to my usual self now, but I'm not goin up there again alone!

Further reports "As time goes by." (that's what they're singin(sic) now).
?

Roaming charges way up...

2006-01-10T05:35:00.000-08:00

Major blue funk goin on here!

All three members of the SAS Emergency Response Team crash-landed far short of the runway after SAS's last accidental fartbomb release: good news is they all survived the explosion, and that ballistic ascent into the strasphere, their non-ballistic descent, and then harsh landings for all; bad news is the roaming charges from all three cell-phoning home to say, "I'm ok."

Quoting Secret Attack Squirrel now: "Being grounded while my ERT works their way homeward is bad enough, but these roaming charges...too much."---thus this deep blue funk pervading SAS G-HQ.

Still, there was one moment of levity when Black Jack Brisco came by G-HQ with the temerity to yeowl up & ask for a rub-down, "I'm hurtin' all over," said he, adding, "and my mange is cleared up, so you needn't worry about cross-contamination."

Guffaws & belly-laughs were numberous, only to be bruskly stifled when Black Jack started clawing his way up the G-HQ tree...indeed, everyone here was seized with fear: Secret's appetite has been off since eating all that rotten chili and so, try as he did, he could not muster the gas for even one fartbomb with which to defent us, ergo we were all at Brisco's mercy...all but the ERT, who are still at large and scattered at undisclosed locations around the western hemisphere.

But wonder of wonders, Black Jack Brisco was in no mood to fight, nor hungry for squirrel meat: upon squeezing into the hanger-bay, he even graciously declined our peace-offering of grape-nuts with horse-radish hors d'oeuvres, saying, "No thanks, I grabbed a bite on the way down from that globe-trot just a few minutes ago--a couple of sea gulls at a thousand feet, a dozen or so blackbirds from 500 on down. So how's Secret doin'? Heard from him yet?"

"I'm right here, Blackie."

The SAS G-HQ was instantly evacuted, leaving Secret Attack Squirrel and Black Jack Brisco behind, alone together in the hanger-bay, circling each other warily. I'll let-cha know what develops, as it develops, although it bears noting that this reporter's veiw is somewhat obscured by a tree-lined distance of three tree-lined city blocks.

?

Lightening Strike?

2006-01-09T09:23:00.000-08:00

(Y)
Just awhile ago, Secret Attack Squirrel was surfing AMERICAblog comments when he was suddenly, without warning, thrown violently backwards from the communal Commodore C-64 and he said, and I quote: "Well sit me down, slap me silly, freeze my face and Bic my balls with a leaky Zippo!"

We have since learned the cause of Secret's spontaneous outburst of vociferous combustion, and it was simplicity in itself: he had been accused of speaking "in the second person" and what's worse, t'was called "sooo boooring"! (or something to that effect)

This outrage of nounerific adverbosity has flabbergasted one & all here at SAS G-HQ, and we all stand apalled, just apalled...anybody who's ever been here at the SAS G-HQ tree house know's that Secret Attack Squirrel is not alone, and tho' his friends (at least those willing to admit to it) can be counted on just 1-1/2 squirrel paws, HE IS NOT ALONE!

True, we don't get a lot of visitors here, and the number of "anybody who's ever been here" probably doesn't far exceed that astronomical figure of 2 (including Back Jack Brisco) but we stand by it that Secret Attack Squirrel in not along here and furthermore, he rarely even speaks in the 1st person posessive, protactive, regressive or wierdissive, let alone going hog-wild with any silly second person soloquies of questionable inferential substanalities...nope, it's mostly just repotin' & quotin goin on here, and most all of it's made up of good-ol' gall'd-nab-it utterly false fabrications manufactured in the subterranian ice-caves of a sick mind, currently leased from the evil war lord, Prince Octoporous.

Hq

The return of the red-i...

2006-01-09T03:30:00.000-08:00

XXX
I should come as no surprise that Secret Attack Squirrel---thanks to the benefit of certain unspecified super-heroic powers of recovery---was the first to return safely to base after his most recent accidental release of one truly special and totally memorable fartbomb, the effect of which launched SAS along with the Emergency Response Team and Black Jack Briso all together helter-skelter into various and dissimilar low-earth orbits of unexpected duration. Dragging himself painfully and incrementally up the tree and then limping pathetically into the SAS G-HQ hanger, Secret's first words were a shocker: "Is Black Jack back yet?"

Thus precipitating a simple answer, "Not as far as we know," but a question still begged: "Why do you ask?"

"I ask because our flight-paths crossed somewhere over the Indian ocean and his speed appeared to be a couple of clicks faster than mine. But then he WAS going the long way around on an equatorial route, while I was flying pole-to-pole...and anybody who flies much knows the world's fatter one way than the other."

It was at just that moment when we heard a caterwhaling squeal go screaming overhead followed by a really-smallish sonic boom and rushing to the hanger-bay door, we were all thrilled by the spectacle of seeing a bone-tailed cat go streaking by in his meteoric descent into a nearby, recently-plowed corn field where last Halloween's "Field of Screams" maze had been set up. Someone observed on a particualarly rhetorically sardonic note, "Looks like Black Jack's back now, if yuh wanna know." Another asked, "Yuh think this cured him of the mange?"...Secret Attack Squirrel just nodded, then shrugged, then shook his head (somewhat stiffly) then turned away and staggered into sick-bay, saying, "Let me know when the ERT gets in---no more flight operations without them on duty, or at least on call, AND they gotta be ambulatory...I ain't flyin' no-moe tilt they be ambulatory."

Feeling sorry for Secret, this reporter asked, "Anything I can do? Anything I can get you?"

"Yeh," said he, "pain relievers, and lots of 'em, a fifth of 12-year old Scotch would be a nice start; but if that's asking too much, I'll settle for a pint of Lord Calvert, or even a twelve'er of Milwaukee's Best; and if that's still too much to ask, maybe some Mad Dog 20/20 and if you can't even swing that, a 40-oz bottle of Colt 45 or Old English 800--doesn't have to be cold. Maybe you should pass the hat."

Thus ends another day in the continuing saga of Secret Attack Squirrel's on-going battle with a way-ripe batch of left-over chili and some out-dated Jolt soda.

More phews at 11:00.

doowoop...

2006-01-08T04:58:00.000-08:00

00
Writing in the heat of a very heated and exciting moment on Friday, this reporter got mixed up about two mystical mythical critters: towit, a bird re-arising from ashes (ie Phoenix) was NOT seen on the banner on that speeding flattery wagon that T-boned Secret Attack Squirrel---that image was acutally a critter with a lion's body, wings and the head & chest (ie boobs) of a woman...presumably human. Our apologies, but one must recall...

As you may rememeber from our last episode, Secret Attack Sqirrel and the SAS Emergency Response Team (ERT) had gotten themselves entangled together in a discarded hairnet, fallen out of their tree and were scapping it out on the ground in a vigorous and contensious debate over how to best extract themselves from the situation...but no two could agree on a sigle point, ergo things were going down hill fast when Black Jack Brisco overheard this vociferous and violent controversy and came to investigate.

Brisco's initial assesment suggested swift action and he was on the brink of throwing himself into the battle, but them some unfathomable second thought arrested his approach: he sat down...not easy, nor particularly comfy on a hideless & wire-stiff fused skeletal tail. But sit he did, and in that gentle repose merely observed the melee, presumably waiting patiently to see how events would ultimately unfold.

As events unfolded to Black Jack's perspective, we surmise he must have been thinking he'd just wait until SAS and the ERT wore themselves out, and then pounce for a simple mop-up operation. However, wanting to get a closer look at the meyham, he moved in closer---too close: clearly, he was unaware that Secret Attack Squirrel had earlier slammed down a prodigous breakfast of left-over chili con carn mixed with left-over chili with beans, all of it washed it down with two 16oz bottles of Pepsi and three (WAY-long date-expired) cans of Jolt soad. (Note: this reporter as since learned that the left-over chili was over two-weeks old and had been unrefrigerated, which spells "Fermentation" with a capitol "F".)

We cut to the chase: All who have been following these super-heroic adventures of Secret Attack Squirrel and his crew are aware that his weapon of choice is the infamous, incidious, "fartbomb", and such are prone to an accidental release at any moment. Well, Black Jack Brisco was just two feet away when it happened: an accidental fartbomb release in the midst of the ERT, the four of them together tightly wrapped up in a discarded hair net. Well this was no ordinary fartbomb: the propellant (recall the chili etc) has sinced proofed out at over 90% pure methane, and the ensuing "six ways to Sunday" conflagration goes beyond the pale of of this reporter's language skills.

So let it sufice to say just this: Black Jack Brisco, Secret Attack Squirrel and the ERT all went ballistic in that mushroom cloud of indescribable horrors and the restraining strenth of that old hair-net was just no match for the combined energies of four totally freaked-out squirrels: all have (presumably) gone their seperate ways at mach+ speeds, leaving only smoke-streaks & con-trails to evidence the multiple directions of the manifold, super-sonic departures...

We'll let you know when (if?) any return to safety.

Unabashedly red-faced:

2006-01-06T07:20:00.000-08:00

?
Just moments ago, while surfing the AMERICAblog comments section, Secret Attack Squirrel was unexpected broad-sided by a flattery wagon sporting jaded shades and flying the banner of mystical, mythical bird re-arisen from ashes. Momentarily stunned by this extraordinary accident (surely couldn't be intentional) Secret soon looked up, only to be instantaniously struck again, this time knocking him into a dizzying fit furry-faced blushin & unmitigated struttin 'round the hanger-bay.

Finding this behavior insufferable, ASA's ERT (Emergency Responst Team) threw a discarded hair-net over our (temporarily?) screwed-up hero and threatened with "a wet-sock whippin blanket party".

But undetered--and being a SUPER-hero & all--Secret Attack Squirrel quickly overpowered the ERT and dragged them all, screaming, out the lauch-bay door and they all fell headlong out of the G-HQ tree and are now writhing violently together on the gound...Black Jack Brisco is on his way!

RUN FOR YOU LIVES, FOOLS!

Look out!

2006-01-06T05:06:00.000-08:00

!!!
In a radical departure from tradition, Secret Attack Squirrel has mixed a partial batch (ie left-overs)...of home-made chili con carn with a partial batch of home-made chili with beans and is squaring off to eat this conflagrational concoction for breakfast! Obviously, the ERT (Emergency Response Team) has been scrambled and are, even as this reporter reporters from the relative safely of a near-by trash-can, dawning their purple-felt-lined tin-foil fire-suits. The SAS G-HQ hanger bay has been cleared of comustibles and the tree's trunk soaked with flame-retardant hypo-alergenic antihisimenes and a bottle of flat skunk-beer left over from last night...the suggestion of (again) employing a retaining staple on Secret's tail was raised, but instantly shouted down, "Are you crazy?! You want the whole tree to burn down?! To explode?! You wanna die?!!!"

I'll get back to you as soon as I've moved this trash can a little farther down the block...
!

Ah's & Oh's...

2006-01-06T02:57:00.000-08:00

!
With little more to go on than a whim & a fancy, Secret Attack Squirrel has begun pondering that potentially life-changing question: "Is it time to retire?"

A resounding, "You're too young to retire!" echoed throughout the lofty halls of SAS's Global Headquarters, followed by, "What would become of us?" (By "us" it can be taken for granted we refere to all SAS staff members, their families, pets and the communal back-scratching post.) And finally, "Has our fearless leader gone nuts?!"

"Yes," said one sadly, adding, "indeed, 'stark raving loonie-tunes' would not be an overstatement...buzzerko, cuckoo crackers, bonkers, mentally unhinged, unscrewed, unwound..."

"ENOUGH!" SAS quickly and loudly admonished from the urinal, then, "We need a knew scent cake in here."

"With all due respect, chief, you're not supposed get IN the urinal to use it."

All which begs the follow-up question: "Wha-hoppin? What overwhelming challenge has so destablized our intrepid hero from that historic single-minded drive in the fight for truth, justice and the American way?"

Secret Attack Squirrel's carefully worded response: "The battle...no, the WAR is lost. Congress has utterly abdicated their role in the Checks & Balance scheme of things, thus allowing duh wittow boy prezidunce to gather all the reins of power into his own two bloody wittow boy monkey-claws...which are controled by a cabal led by evilDick Cha-cha-duh-dooschie-baggie-Cheney. They control the Senate; they control the House; they control the jucidiary; they control the Supreme Court; they control the Pentagon; they control the NSA, the CIA, the FBI, the FEC; the FCC, the DHLS, FOX, CNN, NBC, MSNBC, CBS, ABC, Cspan I & II, the WSJ, the WaPo, the LAT, the NYT, even the makers of PMS drugs...they control the whole woiks. I even wonder if they somehow control Black Jack Brisco's twisted brain, and that weird tail of his--egads that's scary.

"No, my friends, the situation is insurmountable. The 'Constitutional Crisis' is come & gone & we missed it, the 'wanna-be' dictator now IS Dictator...and that's with a capitol D. The dark side has won. Fascism has won. Tyranny has won. The Constitution of the US is dead, it's ineffectual, now it IS 'just a goddamn piece of paper'...thanks to a cowering, cowardly Congress copulated...oops, I mean POPULATED by a vast majority of criminally insane no-good evil-doers."

I can't go on--too choked up.

USA:RIP

I can't believe I drank the whole thing...

2006-01-05T03:54:00.000-08:00

I thunk-it
Mighty bad news in bloggoland: His Majesty, the Imperial Pwezidunt, has filled 17 key gov positions while Cogress was on break, thus screwing the Senate out of their Constitutional role, right and duty for "Advise and Consent" in such appiontments. Sadly, it's a virtual certainty that Congress will go quietly into the night on this scandal.

NBC wonders if the Imperial Pwezidunt has been illegally spying on one of their reporter/journalists...not to mention 30,000 other illegal wire-taps. Sadly, it's a virtual certainty that Congress will go quietly into the night on this scandal.

Abramhoff sez he can implicate 60 politicians, and the Imperial Pwezidunt's Dept of Justice will assign one of Abranhoff's ol'-time corruption buds to lead the "prosecution". Sadly, it's a virtual certainty tht Congress will go quietly into the night on this scandal.

Bottom line: the Imperial Pwezidunt is now dictating to Congress and Congress has gone quietly into the night.

USA: RIP

The Return of Black Jack Brisco...

2006-01-04T05:07:00.000-08:00

!
An all-too-familiar "yeowling" broke the late-night's still air early this morning, sending chills down the spines of Secret Attack Squirrel's Early Warning Recon Group (EWRG): SAS's arch-rival and sworn enemy & one-eyed tom-cat nemesis, Black Jack Brisco, is back in town...with a new and terrifying feature...

re. Black Jack's twice-broken tail:

For reasons/causes unknown, the fur, skin and flesh of his most-rearward appendage is now all gone, stripped clean, thus leaving the horrifying skeletal remainder of tiny & sharp little spinal bones---all intact and fused together into a rigid weapon of indiscribable scariness in the form of a jagged lightening bolt. Upon first sight of that hair-raising spectacle, the EWRG scooted really fast back to SAS Global HQ to report this frightening development, only to be (initially) laughed out of the hanger-bay door.

But owing to a "serious bent" when it comes to intel'--albeit unconfirmed and of a seriously dubious nature--Secret Attack Squirrel scheduled and initiated an immediate lauch and within minutes, returned to base with confirmation: Brisco IS back, AND armed with a new and apparently perilous weapon of indeterminent efficacy.

So right now, there's a whole lot of anxious pacing & skin-rawing head-scratchin' goin on in the SAS G-HQ tree-house...the fleas are a-jumpin' and a-scurryin' for dear life! The coffee's boiling, Danish has been brought in and a deepthink-tank of chocolate-covered cherries is being filled with iced vodka and re-heated tomato juice (which is why the fleas are bailing out...NOW).

For you condi-seweres, the deepthink-tank mix-ratio: 6 gal vodka, 3 gal tom-juice, 2 qts tobasco sauce, one lb black pepper, a twelve-pack of celery stalks and one acorn on a stick for each tumbler...and we're certain they'll ALL be tumbling withing the hour!

CANNON BALL: Cowa-bunga, dudes!
!

A tail of an idle-jet.

2006-01-03T03:44:00.000-08:00

;

An exhausted jet-fuel supply finally ended Secret Attack Squirrel's radical tail-spin maneuver, which led to these panting words: "I am not a happy squirrel this morning. I want coffee--decaf'--four aspirine, a bottle of gin...no, make that two bottles, a box of soda crackers & three cans of beans. And make it snappy thank you very much."

That was two hours ago and our valiant hero is just now getting back into some vague semblance of a usual & customary routine...ergo SAS's ERT has removed the retaining staple from Secret's tail and taken a guarded position at the SAS Global Headquarters hanger door--ready to scramble in the event of an accidental fartbomb release, which could come at any time, and without notice.

With one (crossed) eye taped shut, Secret Attack Squirrel has just turned to the usual and coustomary early-morning routine of blog-surfing is search of a mission that can be undertaken without leaving the SAS HQ tree-house; unfortunately, nothing along these lines has yet presented itself and Secret is becomming increasingly restless, which the Emergency Response Team finds increasingly alarming...they have since locked forepaws and are ready to pounce should the need arise, but one was overheard asking the other two, "Can't we just git while the gittin's good?"---one replied, "No," and the other said, "Can we vote on that?"...this third member of the ERT is the same as was lauched into the railroad yards yesterday and, fortuitously, landed in a carload of shredded W-House documents dating back to the beginning of the Plamegate investigation...it was a deep load.

Uh-oh...judging from experience, it would appear that Secret Attack Squirrel may be preparing for yet another.......
!

The "Ohwoeisme" factor:

2006-01-02T04:18:00.000-08:00

;
Repeatedly struck dumb by the Democratic Party's pitiful lack of [team-playing] inititive for hanging this pwezidunce with his own rope---and there's plenty enough to go around that scum-sucker's slimy neck several hundred times---Secret Attack Squirrel has slipped into a persistant state of staring blankly through crossed eyes. Needless to say, this condition is not conductive to safe navigation: neither in the air, on the ground, nor out on a limb. Therefore, SAS's Personal Safety Evaluation Panel (PSEP) not only grounded our intrepid super-hero, but went as far as inflicting enforced confinement to quarters...this has been achieved by stapling Secret Attack Squirrel's tail to the flight-hanger's wooden floor.

At first blush, Secret was unaware of this new-fangled restraint system and attempted an emergency take-off when that first staple pierced fur, skin and bone with one resounding "Whack" of the Stanley pro'-grade stapler---the ensuing, tightly-constricted circlular full-speed flight pattern has given new meaning to the term "tail spin", and the resultant sounds were, to put it kindly, remarkable!

Observing what appeared to be an emotional state of high panic with no immediate end in sight, one member of the SAS Emergency Response Team swung into action with a butterfly net, but, regrettably, Secret's hyper-velocity and super-hero thrust were so great that the ERT member was swept into the howling vortex so suddenly that the "quick release" was just a tad too slow and that unfortunate squirrel was last seen on a sweeping trajectory far over distant railroad tracks six bocks to the south...we can only hope he lands on soft ground.

Meanwhile, Secret Attack Squirrel's tail-spin rotation has slowed to a leisurely 42 rpm and now, all we can do is wait...presumably for the fuel to run out.

Cork-screws at eleven.

As the world spins...

2006-01-01T03:52:00.000-08:00

'
Still reeling from an unfortunate entaglement with a certain duck late last night--ie a bottle of Cold Duck--Secret Attack Squirrel is conducting operations closer to ground this morning, refering us to that sage advice for the functionally impaired: "Don't fly any higher than you're willing to fall."

But as luck would have it, there's not much goin on in the DC Beltway today anyhow: Congress is out of town and besides, it's Sunday, and New-Year's Day to boot. Also due to this auspicious occasion, duh wittow boy pwezidunce illegal/impeachable wire-tapping is currently in a cyclic sag...Secret Attack Squirrel was not the only one to suffer a run-in with the bubbly last night! And yet Secret remains on duty and perpetually vigilant, stating that, "There's nothing more dangerous than Bushco's war against drunk and/or hung-over dissenter/peace activists!" (ie. those who's Civil Liberties duh prezidunce is most interested in trampling on and silencing via unConstitutional acts against innocent US civilians.)

Additionally, owing to this once-a-year threat-to-the-Constitution slump, Secret Attack Squirrel has given the SAS Emergency Response Team (ERT) some badly-needed time off and with that in mind, is further exersizing super-heroic better judgement by not just staying closer to the ground, but in the immediate vacinity of the SAS Global Headquarter tree--the wisdom is clear: injuries suffered without the ready & most excellent aid of the ERT could prove disasterous, even fatal.

Finally, this just in from the SAS-OOS (the Secret Attack Squirrel-Oracle Observations Squad): cosmic indicators are indicative--that is highly suggestive--that Secret Attack Squirrel's guiding star is currently in nebulous decline, which can mean only one thing: DANGER! Of course, Secret already lives in a steady state of extreme danger, therefore the requisite response is merely one of a hightened awareness until this rare occulance of the Serendipity Significance Spiral reemerges at some mysteriously unpredictable time in the unknowable future.

Further developments will be reported as they arise.

Sad to report:

2005-12-30T05:57:00.000-08:00

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Secret Attack Squirrel's mental condition: not improved at this time, however...

Secret Attack Squirrel rallied briefly overnight after a quick scan of his fav' blogs, wherein were posted certain documents exposing the UK-Blair government's filthy, disgusting, globally-illegal, immoral and outright evil wicked mean & nasty involvements of international torture running hand in claw & in concert with the USA's satanic Bushco crime family cartel.

But just minutes later, a quick scan of today's newspapers (via Slate Magazine) revealed no reportage of the above---this horrifying "error of omission" in the ink media destabalized Secret Attack Squirrel's mental condition and sent it into a screaming spiral-dive back into the flatlands of alpha/beta, where his brain face-planted on the valley floor of American Meatheadedness's underlying bedrock of basaltic stupidity.

Therefore, just like at this very same time yesterday, Secret Attack Squirrel now hangs comatose from an outer branch of the SAS Global Headquarters...there is one bit of good news: no fartbombs were released during this late-night Wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am revival/collapse of Secret's Super-Heroic intellect.

Updates to follow as they present themselves.

Does Media Matters Matter?

2005-12-29T04:37:00.000-08:00

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Early this morning:

After racing headlong into the "Media Matters" website (wherein the multitudinal lies, false-spins, errors and omissions of the "liberal"(sic) M$M are exposed, debunked and proven to be an endless flood of utterly right-wingnut neo'con Bushit) Secret Attack Squirrel was soon overcome with that debilitating condition known as "input overload" and is now suffering from that debilitating condition known as "cerebral meltdown".

Secret's last words before sinking into that bottomless pit of alpha/beta flat-lining: "It's more than one squirrel can bear alone."

Somewhat baffled by the apparently escoteric deep-meaning of this prodigous profundity, SAS's ERT (Secret Attack Squirrel's Emergency Response Team) immediately threw themselves into a three-way deepthink committee in the hopes of plumbing to the bottom of this remarkable statement...ERT agent #2 posed the following proposed question, "What does it all mean?" and the purpose of addressing that question was roundly seconded and thirded by agents #1 & #3 and then things get a little hazy, but...

After what can only be described as a Super-extraordianry bout of nifty but nutty deliberation, the ERT has issued the following:

ERT Deepthink Committee Resolution #213: Unless those in the USA who still support Bushco on any level can be forced to imbibe, cogiatate, assimilate, grasp and generally understand the significance of every scrap of evidence in the "Media Matters" content before Nov of 2006, the USA will sink into tyranny in late Jan of 2007;

...ERT DCR #213 subparagraph a): Ain't gonna happen because even a Super-Hero like Secret Attack Squirrel is damn-near powerless when it comes to overpowering/overcoming the sheer stupidity of the Average American Meathead's sheer stupidity.

----------

A parting comment/early obit': Owing to the fact that the right-wingnut monster-network [NBC] has now ripped into TOTAL control of MSNBC, Keith Oberman's "Countdown" is slated for burial as soon as the ink on the NBC/takeover/MS contract-shredding celebration is underway. The NBC Chopshop Headroller Dept is slated to issue this explanation: "We're sorry to be forced to force Keith out, but his absolute refusal to spin and regurgitate (R) corporate Bushit is intollerable---we MUST have a tryannical dictatorship ASAP and sadly, Mr. Oberman is a bothersome fly in (R) oinkment toward that end. John Steward: you're next...but that said, you are doing better and your soft-balling of O'Rielly 'when-in-the-flesh' on The Daily Show has not gone unnoticed---we appreciate the effort but you're gonna have to do better in the future."

The End

A fan writes to ask:

2005-12-27T04:39:00.000-08:00

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Why is Secret Attack Squirrel always so active?

A: Severely limited by a brain case the size of half a walnut shell, Secret Attack Squirrel can only achieve super-computer-like intel' assesments by applying virtually all mental powers to the thought process. But this leaves little room for data storage---such as remembering how to spell, and names & places---which largely explains Secret's incessant activity: the drive for constantly hiding more nuts because the locatons of all past hidden stashes are instantly & forever forgotten; ergo: constant activity; however, this leaves no time for looking words up in a dictionary---a dictionary which can't be easily located because it's last location is now long forgotten.

But wait! There's more!

Now more than ever, our planet is at risk of falling under the tyrannical spell of an insipid dictatorship known as "The New World Order", wherein one individual (we can hardly use the term "man" in this case)...euphamistically and variously nicknamed "Chimpy", "Shrub", "Dubyuh", "Shit-4-brains" & so forth...gathers all the reins of global power into his own greedy little blood-stained claws: towit everybody then must do, think & say whatever the hell he tells them to---under penalty of extreme rendition and torture.

Another evil fuck named Hitler tried this last century, and he almost damn-near succeeded! The only thing that stopped him was the Mighty USA...but sadly, this new 21st Century neo'evil fuck named (expletive deleted) is the pwez of the USA, so nothing can stop this shrimp-turd---nothing short of a Super Hero.

Thus is born SECRET ATTACK SQUIRREL! And fighting against Bushy's tyrannical war against Truth, Liberty and the American Way is a never-ending battle, which takes up any & all free time remaining after more new nuts have been located, stashed and forgotten.

And that's the way it is.
!

Out on a limb.

2005-12-26T04:24:00.000-08:00

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Daily Log:

Distraught and saddened into a rare fit of meloncholic mopiness, Secret Attack Squirrel is currently outside pacing (more like a hobble, really) up & down the south branch here at Global Headquarters. The cause? SAS is missing Black Jack Brisco: ie. missing having him around to taunt from on high.

To compound this uncharacteristic state of moodiness is the on-going Congressional Holiday Break (can't say "Xmas" break anymore) which has caused a perfect vacuum of daily hopes for any actual anti-shrub Beltway actions beginning toward the impeachment of duh wittow boy pwizidunt.

To make matters worse, this pathetic condition of mental putrefacton has now seeped into the minds of Secret Attack Squirrel's entire staff, leaving the SAS Global Headquarters in a depressing gloom of morbid inactivity on all levels...indeed, the only sound in this hollow tree at this time is the clicking of this keyboard.

End

The Separation of Cat & Squirrel Act

2005-12-25T05:12:00.000-08:00

'
Eventually exhausting themselves late last night, Black Jack Brisco and Secret Attack Squirrel finally collapsed together unconscious, thus allowing a wary approach by Secret's ERT (Emergency Response Team). Armed with a hacksaw, two critter-muzzles (size small), three rubber mallets, a bottle stopper and three & 1/2 pints of Acne-brand acetone, our intrepid trio threw themselves into hasty action: muzzles were attached, Secret Attack Squirrel's fartbombs were "safed" via corking their launch tube with the bottle stopper and in minutes, the duct tape had been severed and then liberal doses of actone were applied...

...one can only imagine the ERT's surprise and wonderment at the rejuvinating powers associated with pouring high-octane paint remover onto the scratched, bitten, shafed, raw and de-furred hides of these two mortal combatants. Attempts at re-anesthetizing the two with rubber mallets proved ill-conceived and totally ineffective---and then Black Jack and all three members of the ERT were suddenly rendered senseless when a Secret Attack Squirrel fartbomb blew out the launch-tube bottle stopper and exploded right in their faces, briefly lighting up the star-spangled night sky.

This morning, Secret Attack Squirrel is resting (albeit uncomfortably) with the Sunday paper and one bit of good news that caught his swolen eye seems to be acting like a salve for his injuries: tomorrow's Barron weekly investor magazine--a publication of the Wall Street Journal--will feature an op/ed calling for Congressional impeachment hearings against the witto boy pwesidunt for committing impeachable crimes. Secret Attack Squirrel has issued the following statement: "Barron calling for impeachment hearings against this pwezidunt may well turn corporate America against W, and that would be a very bad thing for duh chimp, and a very good thing for US."

And to conclude: upon regaining consciousness last night from the brain-stunning effects of Secret's fartbomb release, Black Jack Brisco split for points unknown and it is hoped he'll not soon return.

!

Situational update...

2005-12-24T05:16:00.000-08:00

'
Daunted by an inexplicable increase in aerodynamic resistance, early this morning Secret Attack Squirrel checked in for wind-funnel testing with hopes of identifying the mysterious cause of a weird top-speed retardation, diminished flight maneuverability and a reduced stall-out vector.

After running several tests, it was discovered that Black Jack Brisco---the one-eyed broken-tailed cat that attacked Squirrel day-B4-yesterday---was still entangled in that duct tape used for recent battlefield-surgury repairs to Secret's finely tuned and state of the art flight surfaces.

This discovery also led to another revelation: Secret Attack Squirrel had been complaining about loud and incessant sounds best described as "caterwauling" coming from the vicinity of the sticky repairs just mentioned, and now there is little doubt that Black Jack is the source of the complaintive racket.

Attempts at affecting a quick removal of said Tom from said Squirrel have so far proved ineffective, owing to the rapidity of their movements confounded by a thick haze of cat & squirrel fur working in concert to obstruct Secret Attack Squirrel's ERT (Emercency Response Team); to further interfere with advances along these lines, two of the three ERT members have so far been unwilling to approach the fracas: one sighting fear of another accidental fartbomb release; the other listing a whole plethorea of manifold hazards associated with any proximity to an insensed and thoroughly pissed-off alley-cat being duct-taped to a sorely-wounded flying attack squirrel!

Further developments ASAP

The Great X-men screw-up:

2005-12-24T04:22:00.000-08:00

'
After one whopper-pile of high-explosives disappeared a few days ago in N.Mejiko, duh Feds broke all records at tracking-down & collaring the purps with their C-4 booty and wowzers did they screw up... Turns out these all-American fellows are just soft'n'fuzzy skin-headed brown-shirts---proof positive they have no links to terrorism and they were just "foolin around" and only planning to "have some 'good-ol' boy fun" randomly blowin things up.

But this Big Bust put a huge fly in Bushco's war on terror...these neo'patriots should-a been allowed to git away & blow up a few buildings, then Bushco could declare Martial Law and take over the whole world, starting with the USA.

The X-men responsible for this foul-up are now on administrative leave for arresting non-terrorists before they could kill enough gawddamn liberals to precipitate a National Emergency wherein the witto boy pwezidwent could finally hang the Constitutions out to dry once & for all neo'cons.

2005-12-21T04:58:00.000-08:00

'
While still in a coma, Secret Attack Squirrel lucked out on Monday: Waste Management's Glad-bag Munching Monster Machine was still a week away when he fell out of his tree and then lie dormant (ie knocked senseless) in the street for several hours. But luck is not perfect: blind-sided, struck & run over (repeatedly) by a speeding skateboard outfitted with snow plow and chains, Secret Attack Squirrel's brain was further scambled--this brutal hit & run assault also inflicted additional injuries which requred nineteen stitches in ten-pound test fishing line, six yards of (slightly used) gauze and a roll of duct tape pilfered from a negligent plumber's open van...t'was a display of "battlefield surgery" at its finest!

But that was just the begining: Secret Attack Squrrel was next spirited away by a not-so-friendly foe---Black Jack Brisco, a one-eyed cat with a broken tail (broken in two places) and suffering with a terminal case of mange---had just dragged Secret Attack Squirrel out of traffic (with dark designs in his heart) when a fortuitous attack of the itchies distracted him just long enough for our 4-legged super-hero to stagger away and then (sort-of) bolt up an old sailor's wooden leg (understandably mistaking it for a regally-robed tree) where-as the sailer hurled Secret Attack Squirrel to the relative safety of a near-by shed's tin roof just two blocks away.

Think Secret Attack Squirrel was out of the woods?...

But wait, there's more!

Hot on Attack Squirrel's scent, Black Jack went ripping up the sailor's other leg---ie the GOOD leg, the one with feelings in it---and instantly found himself passing birds in flight...he studied them closely, albeit with only one eye, hoping to gain some really-quick insight on mid-air steerage, navigation and safe landing proceedures...it was a fell day for both when Black Jack augered straight into Secret Attack Squirrel, intermingled his matted and scarce cat-fur & raw skin with the exposed, sticky goo on a loose flap of duct tape, and then all hell broke loose.

Secret Attack Squirrel and Black Jack Brisco were last seen embroiled in energetic negotiations concerning an immediate (and mutually desired) separation but wonder of wonders, it appeared that their activities actually had the unexpected effect of actually drawing them closer together!

What happened next is unclear at this time.

Mews at 11:00

Damn...

2005-12-19T05:18:00.000-08:00

'
On the cusp of a cognizant revival, Secret Attack Squirrel was informed that all discussion on Bushco's admission to his illegal/impeachable wire-taps has been stripped from M$M, precipitating the untoward release of yet another fartbomb!...and now Secret Attack Squirrel has slipped back into his normal mental state of DUH! OMG! & WFT!

Coma at 7:17

All semi-clear.

2005-12-19T03:29:00.000-08:00

'
Somewhere deep in the sub-oakian chambers of Secret Attack Squirrel's super-secret undisclosed temporary venue tree---located just up or down or across some un-named street from SAS's Global Headquarters (currently abandoned for fumigation after in inadvertant fartbomb detonation) there was a loose rumor on the rampage: "Certain M$M outlets, reporters and journalists are flirting with disaster! They're REPORTING on one of Bushco's commissions of an impeachable crime! Run for you lives!"

Shocked, baffled and perplexed by this unexpected and outragously unbelievable rumor of a lighening-stroke of good old "American Free Press luminance" hitting so close the Hell House (aka White House) at 666 Evilwicked Way (formerly 1600 Pensylvania Av)---ie the home to Secret Attack Squirrel's arch enemy, the dark & incidiously stupid war lord Prince Tyranticus Bushiticus---Secret Attack Squirrel accidentally loosed yet another fartbomb and has rendered yet another super-secret tree in an undisclosed location uninhabitable for at least a week!

But in an unparalelled display of selfless heroics, Secret Attack Squirrel was the last to come out of the tree and now lies stunned---20-toes & belly-up---and is secretly hoping this is not one of those cosmically mystical days when the Waste Management Glad-Bag-Muncing Monster Machine regularly patrols the area...

Pews at 11:00

Duck & Cover!

2005-12-18T04:54:00.000-08:00

'
With a dark and persistant cloud of toxic fartbomb fumes still hovering over Secret Attack Squirrel's global headquarters, operations have been removed to a secret/undisclosed location in a different secret/undisclosed tree somewhere up the street, or maybe down the street, or even across the street: we can't neither confirm nor deny any of that.

Secret Attack Squirrel

2005-12-17T02:58:00.000-08:00

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This blog site has been temporarily evacuated due to the accidental release and unintentional detonation of a Secret Attack Squirrel fartbomb.

Run for your lives!